She looked to the sky and then looked back at me. “Someone filed a complaint about me with the medical board.”
I shot my eyes open. “Whatever for? You’re amazing. Look at what you’ve done for Talon.”
She smiled—sort of. “
Talon was one of my success stories.”
“I’m sure he’s one of many.”
She let out a breath of air, the look in her eyes forlorn. “I can’t save them all, Jonah. I only wish I could.”
“Melanie, no one can save them all.”
“I keep looking back, thinking back. What could I have done? How could I have done things differently so the outcome would’ve been good instead of bad?”
My God. I asked myself the same questions all the time. If only I had gone with Talon that day. If only…
“You have me at a little disadvantage here. I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“I’m talking about one of my patients.”
“What happened?”
She inhaled deeply. “I can’t talk about it.”
“Of course you can.”
“No, I really can’t. Doctor-patient confidentiality.”
Right. I had forgotten about that. “I understand.”
“I wish you did understand, Jonah. I’m just carrying around so much guilt.” And then she chuckled. “I can’t believe I just said that. You do understand guilt, don’t you?”
“Yeah, I’ve had a little experience in that area.”
“No wonder I was drawn here. To you. Because you’re the one person who might just understand.”
I had been hoping she had been drawn to me for reasons other than guilt, but I’d take what I could get. I knew she had been looking for comfort, and I hoped I’d helped give her that.
I tugged on her arms and pulled her down to meet my mouth. I brushed my lips over hers, giving her a few soft kisses. “I will try to help you in any way I can.”
“All right.” She sighed. “I was kind of fudging about doctor-patient confidentiality. I can talk about it, especially under these particular circumstances. I just can’t name names. It’s just that…I don’t really want to talk about it. But I know I have to.” She laughed a bit. “God, I tell my patients all the time that they need to talk if they want to heal.” She shook her head, her wet hair sending a few droplets of water onto me. “I had a patient, Jonah. A patient who…didn’t make it.”
My heart fell. “I’m so sorry.”
“She killed herself. And I’ve racked my brain, trying to figure out what I missed. I’ve gone through my notes myriad times. I’ve gone through the sessions in my head, trying, and failing, to figure out where I went wrong.”
“Do you think that maybe you didn’t go wrong?”
“But I did. If I had done my job, if I had seen some indication that she was suicidal, I could’ve saved her. She would be alive today.”
“You’re putting a pretty heavy burden on yourself.”
“Don’t you put that same burden on yourself?”
I couldn’t fault her perception. She was right. I did. And I’d been lucky. I got my brother back. He hadn’t died, though God knew he had spent many years wishing he had.
“Let’s not talk about me right now, Melanie. I’m doing fine.” A half-truth, but what the hell? “Let’s talk about you. You’re a professional, and you know how any practice of medicine is. There are some people you can’t help. I’m very sorry for your loss. I truly am. But what else is going on here? I get the feeling there’s something you’re not telling me.”