But fine was something I’d never be again. Something maybe I hadn’t been in a long time.
Pull yourself together, Ruby. I was a cop, for God’s sake. I’d seen worse in my lifetime.
But this was…personal.
So deeply fucking personal.
Wendy could easily be lying. She was certainly not a reliable source.
But she wasn’t lying. I’d already formulated a similar theory in my mind. I just never actually thought it could be true.
Yet it all made sense.
Sense in a world that was hell on earth, especially for my father’s victims.
Now more than ever, I had to find my father and bring him to justice.
* * *
I didn’t know how much longer Ryan talked to Wendy. Time became a hazy thing, and I sat in the hallway, clutching my basin, but I didn’t throw up again. Whether that was because nothing was left in my stomach or because I was holding it together, I didn’t know. I didn’t feel like I was holding anything together, that was for sure.
Ryan finally came walking out, his expression unreadable.
“You okay?” he asked when he came to me.
I nodded. Which was a big lie, but he had enough problems.
“Let’s go. I can’t take any more of this.” He raked his fingers through his hair. “I can’t believe my father would be involved in such a thing.”
“Your father probably wasn’t,” I said. “But my father was. Is.”
He pulled me into a stand. “I’m sorry. That was thoughtless of me.” He hugged me quickly. It wasn’t intimate at all. “Let me take you home. I need to be alone for a while.”
I nodded. That was understandable. “Just promise me that…”
He stopped my lips with his finger. “I won’t do anything stupid,” he said.
I hoped he was telling me the truth. His whole world had just been shattered. He was eerily calm right now…and I had the feeling it was the calm before the storm.
It was on the tip of my tongue to tell him no, I wasn’t going home. I was staying with him. But I couldn’t get the words out.
And it hit me. I needed to be alone too.
I needed to think this through, figure out what to do next.
Because doing nothing was not an option.
The drive to my apartment took only ten minutes. He gave me a hasty kiss good-bye and said he’d call me.
That was all. And I didn’t expect anything else.
I flipped on the light switch and poured myself a glass of cold water but didn’t drink it. Then I looked at my phone. I’d turned the ringer off while we were talking to Wendy. No calls, no texts.
I slid down the side of the wall to sit on the floor of my small kitchen.
My thoughts were jumbled. What next?
What next for Ryan and me? Could we even have a future now?