Damn, nothing would help. Nothing except Jade. I wanted to lose myself in her.
“I have to go,” I said to Julie.
“Come on, handsome. Let me help you take the edge off.”
If only she could. “Not tonight. I’ll see you later.”
“Okay, maybe another time…”
I walked out of her apartment and didn’t look back.
* * *
“Can’t reach it, boy?” Tattoo chuckled.
The boy didn’t know their names, but the one with the tattoo—some kind of colorful bird wrapped in flames and rising from what looked like ashes—always took the lead.
The glass of water sat less than an inch from the boy’s reach. Full, with ice, and the boy was dying of thirst, his mouth parched. His lips were so dry the bottom one had cracked in the middle, and he tasted the tang of blood on his tongue.
“Look at him reach.” The one with the low voice laughed.
This was a game they liked to play. And even though logically the boy knew he would never be able to reach the glass of water, still he tried, stretching his arm as far as he could, thinking maybe, just maybe, today was the day his arm had grown a little bit, or that he could stretch his muscles those few more millimeters necessary…
It didn’t happen.
The three men laughed at him, taunting him. “Thirsty, boy? You want that water, boy?” Their devilish laughter echoed in his ears.
If only he could reach just a little farther…
He imagined the cool crisp water flowing down his throat, soothing the dryness, easing the ache of hunger that was always present, hydrating his dry lips, healing them.
Always that glass sat there, always slightly beyond his reach.
Always…
* * *
A new memory—how could I have forgotten? That fucking glass of water still tormented me. Again, I sat in the kitchen, staring at it. Never drinking it. Only that tiny sip that had barely wet my tongue the other night when Jade bothered me about it. The sip had felt wrong, like I deserved punishment for taking it. I didn’t know why. I drank plenty of water. I didn’t get dehydrated at all, but that midnight glass of water—the one that I poured myself, added ice to, and sat on the table before me—that was the one I couldn’t touch.
I hadn’t seen Jade since this morning—yesterday morning, since it was after midnight—when I left her bedroom. I assumed she went to work and then came home. I hadn’t gotten home from Grand Junction until nearly eleven.
Julie’s words rang in my mind. Okay, maybe another time…
But I knew then and I knew now. There would be no other time with her or with anyone.
Until I got Jade Roberts out of my system, I wouldn’t be with other women.
Fatigue gripped me. God, I was so fucking tired. Always tired. If only I could get one whole night of sleep…
I looked over at the full glass of water, condensation forming on the outside of the glass. And again the maniacal laughter… I could still hear all three of them in my ears, laughing at me, taunting me with that glass of water.
I stood. “Damn it!” I said aloud. I picked up that fucking glass of water and hurled it onto the floor where it shattered into hundreds of little pieces.
Then I sat back down in the chair, letting the darkness take me, my head in my hands. Melancholy enveloped me. Sadness overtook me.
But I didn’t cry.
* * *