Nothing went away, but at least the cool air eliminated the need—for the moment, at least—to cut myself. Mel would be proud of me. I should be proud of myself.
But I felt no pride. All I felt was devastation.
When I closed the refrigerator door, the scar on my upper thigh throbbed, taunting me.
Do it. Do it. Do it.
The cold air is gone. You know what will give you peace.
Do it. Do it. Do it.
“No!” I opened the refrigerator door once more. Inhaled the cold air.
Inhaled it again.
Again.
Again.
Again and again and again. I didn’t stop when the urge to cut had escaped me. I continued to breathe in the cold air, ignoring the aromas of food, focusing only on the chill.
Finally, I closed the door once more, the scar still buzzing but no longer throbbing.
I could do this. I would be okay. For now, at least.
I tore the note into pieces and shoved it down the garbage disposal.
Not that it would do any good. I’d remember those words as long as I lived. Still, it gave me a sense of letting go of something I had no control over. Now to be proactive, as Mel said.
I’d get home to help Jade with the boys—anything to get my mind off Bryce and his cruelty. Jade had been ill last night after our talk with Colin. I dressed and hurried back to the main house to see how she was feeling.
The boys were still in bed, so I got them up and moving—Dale insisted he was fine to go back to school—and then I went to check on Jade.
I knocked softly. “Hey, it’s me.”
“Come on in.” She was up and sitting in a recliner, clad in sweat pants and a T-shirt.
“Feeling okay?”
“Physically? Pretty good, actually. Emotionally? I’m a wreck.”
I nodded. “Colin.”
“Yup. What isn’t he telling us?”
“I wish I knew. Where’s Tal?”
“He got up before the butt crack of dawn. He told me why, I think, but I was half asleep and can’t recall.”
“He’s probably in the orchard. The boys are up, and Dale says he wants to go to school today.”
“Really? I should talk to him.”
“Sure. I’ll send him in to see you. Then I’m going to fix breakfast for them. Do you want anything?”
“I don’t think so. Not yet, anyway.”
“Okay. Let me know if that changes.”