“He did.” I cleared my throat. “But I’m still curious. About the details. You know.”
Joe smiled. “We’re hoping to welcome you aboard here. Ryan should be here soon. Is there any more coffee?”
I cleared my throat again. “I don’t know. Marjorie poured me this cup and then excused herself to go take a shower. She said she’d make us breakfast when she was done.”
“Great. I’m starved. We’ll call this second breakfast, like the hobbits do. My first breakfast was at five thirty. So how are you holding up?”
Nothing like getting right to the point. Oh, I’m a huge mess. Such a huge mess that I took advantage of your baby sister last night. Right in the room that used to have unicorns on the wall.
Yeah. Couldn’t really say that.
“I’m good.”
“Your mom still okay?”
“The same. Henry helps a lot. She’s pretty much taken over.” I sighed. “I miss him, actually.”
“You’re his father. Take back the reins.”
“She needs him right now. And he adores her.”
“He adores you too. Don’t stop being his dad just because his grandma needs something to focus on.”
I nodded. What else could I do? I didn’t want to tell Joe that I was so much a shadow of my former self that I didn’t feel I could be a father to my son. What if I turned into my own father? No, couldn’t even begin to go there. I could never put my son in harm’s way. I’d leave him first.
“It’s working for now, Joe. I’m doing the best I can.”
“I hear you asked Tal to make you a hand around here.”
“I did.”
“And that’s when he told you about what we were considering.”
“Yeah.”
“I get it, Bryce. You want to work your body to a pulp so you can forget everything that went down, if only through exhaustion. But buddy, it won’t work. Been there, done that.”
“With all due respect, your father wasn’t a psychopath.”
“Maybe not, but he sure fucked up as a dad.”
“Please.” I scoffed. “Don’t compare our situations.”
“I’m not. But take a look. Be thankful. You’re strong and healthy, and you have a strong and healthy kid. And whatever else your father did, he was around for you when you needed him, and he never abused you.”
“That’s supposed to make me feel better?” I stood. “Christ, Joe. Give me a break.”
“Hey. Sit back down.” He gestured. “I didn’t mean to cross any line. No one knows better than I do the guilt of being the one who wasn’t abused.”
I nodded. Joe was right. He’d harbored immense guilt for decades over not accompanying Talon that fateful day.
By my psycho father and two other equally psycho dicks.
“Luke, Joe. And all those other kids. Names I’ll never know. Colin Morse. My father destroyed them. Why not me?”
“I don’t know. I wish I had answers. All we can do in this life is play the hand we’re dealt. It is what it is.”
“Am I supposed to feel lucky?”