He groans and kicks off his shoes. I flip the cover back, inviting him into the bed, making no move to go to the other side. My bed isn’t gigantic, and with me lying in the center he’ll have to touch me to fit his big frame.
He turns off the lamp and surprises me when the bed dips on his side. I think he’s going to lie there, but instead he molds his body against mine, throwing his big leg over me pinning me beneath him, wrapping around me completely. I settle into him and wonder if he can keep the nightmares at bay. When I’m with him he keeps the memories from coming, and tonight, that’s all I want. Peace, sleep and comfort.
Chapter Five
Paige
* * *
I WAKE RIGHT before the sun rises, and the darkness of my room begins to lift. It’s not the sun shining in; it’s more of a light gray. It’s dawn and I’ve slept a dreamless night in the arms of a man I shouldn’t want.
Stretching, I notice that he’s not in bed, but his warmth is all around me. I sit up, thinking that he must have left, but see him sitting in a chair beside the bed, looking at me. His stare makes me feel shy, and I grab the blankets that have fallen in my lap. I don’t use them to cover me; I twist them in my hands, giving them something to do.
“Good morning, kitten.”
His voice is like caramel, and it slides across the room and coats my skin. I feel the stir of something low in my belly, and I want him to come lie down with me. I want him to stand up and climb on top of my body and wordlessly take me. Right here. Right now.
As the fantasy plays out in my mind, I twist the blanket between my fingers. Captain notices and looks down at my hands and then back to my eyes. It’s like he can read my mind when his dark green eyes give me a sad smile. His scent of rosewood is all around me, and though I’ve convinced myself he’s too good for me, I find that I’m desperate for him.
Maybe it’s because I was vulnerable with him last night. Maybe it’s because I’m really turned on by his naked chest and I want to get laid. Or maybe it’s that I trust him. It’s been a long time since I let my guard down, and the last time that happened was with Mallory. Giving my trust to someone is as intimate as giving someone my body, and yet here he is. In my room and in my space, and I want to throw all my apprehensions to the side and fall for him.
It would be so easy to love a man like Ryan Justice. He’s good to the core, sweet, kind, and would never hurt me. Going to him and allowing him into my heart would feel like coming home. I know all these things like I know the sun is moments from coming up, and yet I remain motionless on the bed. All my past fears and insecurities bubble up as the first light breaks through the curtain and shatters our precious connection. The brilliance of the day caresses the space between us, and as if Captain knew it would happen, he nods and stands.
“I’m going to go home.”
I feel so many emotions at one time. I’m sad he’s leaving and relieved at the same time. I don’t know that I’m powerful enough to ask him to go, and yet I’m not strong enough to let him stay. My heart was broken a long time ago, and I don’t have room to love someone so perfect. Someone who could break me beyond the point of return and leave me with the wreckage. I know my past is dark, and I know what my plans are. Last night was a setback, and I need to push it away. I need to push Captain away.
I feel him move to the side of the bed, and his rough hand reaches up and cups my cheek. I’m forced to look up into his beautiful green eyes and see the little flecks of blue as the light touches them.
“This isn’t the end, Paige.” He rubs his thumb across my bottom lip, and my heart beats hopefully. “This is how our story begins.”
He leans down slowly and brushes his lips gently against mine. My eyes flutter closed and I take in his scent and his presence and the warm sugary feel of him once again. And just as I think about how I want more, he’s taking a step back. With one final look, he leaves my bedroom, closing the door behind him.
I fall back against the pillow and lie there trying to find the earth again. What in the hell just happened? I’ve kept him at a distance for so long, and one night I finally give in and suddenly I’m a mess. For most of my life I’ve pushed people from me emotionally, and until Mallory came along no one had made a dent. Sure, I loved my mother, and she loved me, but we weren’t very expressive about it.