“I was born in Ukraine and placed in an orphanage as a baby. My mother was a prostitute, from what I could find out, and she couldn’t keep me. I was adopted by my parents, who couldn’t have children and had already adopted two other kids from that area. I was three months old when they brought me to America, and I grew up in Chicago, Illinois.”
Something passes between us, and I see understanding in her eyes. “So you have siblings?”
“Yes. I’m the baby of the family.”
She laughs as she looks over my big body. “Some baby.”
“I have an older brother and sister, but we’re not very close. We love each other, and I go back home when I can, but my work keeps me busy.” I pause to take a bite while Paige thinks about which questions to ask next. She probably has a dozen to choose from.
“What’s with the tattoos?”
I smile and wipe my mouth, thankful for an easy question. “You don’t like them?”
“No, I do. You just don’t seem like the type.”
I shrug and look down at my arms. “I got most of them after I came to New York. You’re right when you say I look all-American, because that’s what most people say. I think I did it to rebel against that.” It also helped to blend in when I worked with thugs. I was a little too pretty, as many had said before. I needed something with an edge. I hold out my arm for her to see. “Did it work?”
She rolls her eyes, but she still smiles, and that’s all I ever want.
“I love cold weather, the Packers and chocolate chip cookies. I can’t stand champagne, I don’t trust cats and I’m skeptical of people who don’t walk barefoot in their own home. I have a birthmark on my left foot, I’ve never met a piece of bacon I didn’t like, and I have a very strong attraction to your ass.”
Paige howls with laughter, and I sit there watching. The way her head tilts back and exposes her throat. The way her hair falls to the side. The way she places her hand on her chest. She’s laughing with her whole heart, and it’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.
I wish I could tell her more. I wish with everything in me that I could lay it all out on the line. But I need her to fall in love with me first. I need her to see what’s standing between us and give in to it. Because when I finally come clean, I need to know the bond holding us together is strong enough that it won’t break. All the other shit doesn’t matter. How I grew up or where I came from. Small details of my life. Now is what matters. The choices I make today. At least, I pray that’s all that matters to her.
We talk about work, and she asks me simple things that don’t require me to lie or hold back the truth. She finishes her food and some of mine before the waitress brings out the dessert menu.
“What are we having?” I ask as she looks it over.
“You’re not going to order for me?”
“No.” I shake my head, and she smiles excitedly. “Dessert is the most important meal of the day. I would hate to deny you the pleasure of choosing.”
She hands the menu back to the waitress, ordering one of everything. “Life is short.”
She leans back in her chair, and I want to kiss her so badly. I need to pull her into my lap and hold her soft body against mine. But this isn’t the place for that, and I meant what I said to her earlier. Until she tells me she loves me, I won’t take her. We’ve been getting too close to that happening, and it needs to stop. I want more from her than a quick fuck, and I want her to respect that.
By the time the desserts arrive, I’ve finished telling her a story about my first time taking the subway and getting lost.
“So you paid a homeless guy twenty bucks to take you to the drugstore?” She laughs, scooping up some ice cream and taking a bite.
“It may have been profiling, but I assumed he’d know where to find one. I had a head cold. What else was I supposed to do?” I love seeing her smile, and I would tell her stories like this all night if it kept that look on her face. “Besides, he ended up being a she, and she offered more than the directions. If you know what I mean.”
We laugh some more, and then Paige tells me about her first time on the train with Mallory and how they sat in seats that faced away from the direction the train was heading, and she got scared they were going the wrong way.