She could tell Joseph was losing interest and she’d tried to find ways to capture it again. But nothing she’d done was ever quite good enough. Her meals hadn’t quite been seasoned correctly. Her hair had been too stiff with product. Her clothes had been too tight or too loose or too revealing or too matronly.
She should’ve given up years earlier, but quitting wasn’t in her makeup. As long as there was a chance, she’d been determined to make it work. Though he hadn’t made a similar effort, she was convinced, if she tried hard enough, she could rescue the relationship.
Only when Joseph had explained why he was leaving her, his dry-eyed emotionless tone ripping more tears from her flooding eyes, had she realized what a fool she’d been. And she’d examined every aspect of that failure and devised a plan to be certain it never happened again. Number one was dropping her idealistic dreams of happily-ever-after with a man.
Once she’d accepted the idea that she’d be single the rest of her life, the pressure had gone away, leaving her free to simply be unapologetically herself. Yet already, with Gary, she was breaking her rule, trying to change to be the woman he needed.
“Katie? Are you okay?”
Unable to bear the pitying expression on his face, she looked away. “I understand.”
“I don’t think you do.” His hand cupped her cheek, gentle pressure turning her face back toward him. “I have to tell you something.”
“You don’t have to explain. I get it.” She tried to pull away, but his hand slipped behind her neck and held fast. “We can end it now. It’s probably for the best.”
“Wait! That’s not what I meant.” His hands released her to push through his hair. “I don’t want to end anything. I want to see if we can make it work.”
Her breath caught in her throat. “You do?”
“Yes.” His eyes squeezed shut like he was in agony. “But the last time I tried this, it didn’t go well.”
Her chest clenched. She’d been so wrapped up in her own hurt, she hadn’t considered the pain he’d experienced.
“The girlfriend who broke it off when you got cancer?”
“Not her.” His eyes closed. “This happened two years ago. Her name was Deanne, and we had everything in common. We were meant to be together, or so I thought.”
“What happened?”
“I was stupid. I waited to tell her about the cancer until we were serious. I honestly didn’t think she would care.” He took a deep breath and blew it out, slowly. “She did. She freaked out.”
“I’m sorry that happened.” Katie laid her hand on his arm.
“It wasn’t her fault. No one wants to marry somebody who’s only going to live another fifteen years or so.”
“First of all, you could live a lot longer than fifteen years, you know.”
“That’s true, but after fifteen years, my chances start going down.” He shrugged. “I have to be realistic.”
“If you’d take a couple of those crazy items off your bucket list, like climbing Mt. Everest, you’d probably live a lot longer.”
“You could be right.” He gave a hoarse chuckle. “But you can see how dating is kind of like surfing in shark-infested waters for me. I’d decided never to go in deep again.”
“That sounds like the way I would handle it,” Katie said. “But you’re different. You’re fearless, so you shouldn’t quit. You should just keep jumping back in until you catch the perfect wave.”
“That’s what I was thinking.” His mouth quirked in a crooked smile. “I know it’s early, but I think you could be my wave.”
“Are you saying you want to try dating when we go back to New York?” Her mouth felt like it was stuffed with cotton balls.
“Yes. No pressure. But I think we could be good together.
“I’m sorry, Gary, but it’s not going to work.”
His face fell. “Oh. I shouldn’t have assumed… I mean, I guess it’s asking a lot when I don’t know how much time I have.”
“I don’t care about that,” she said. “Well, I do care—I don’t want you to die—but that’s not why this relationship won’t work.”
“I don’t understand.”