“You know exactly why I can’t date. Nothing’s changed.”
“I don’t know, Finn. On Monday you didn’t want to spend a minute with Laurie. Now it’s Friday, and you’re upset that she won’t talk to you about the weather. I’d say something’s definitely changed.”
Finn’s heart plunged into his stomach with a thud. Why hadn’t he seen it before? Being friends with Laurie was like a scarecrow playing with fire. He was lucky she’d been resistant to him. Just think—I was about to invite her over to play the Steinway. “You’re right. Thanks for warning me, bud. That could’ve been a disaster.”
“On the other hand, I don’t want to discourage you if you’re starting to like her. I want you to have what I have. I’m the luckiest man on earth.”
Finn watched as Branson opened his thermal coffee container and painstakingly poured some into a mug, using his thumb to feel when the steaming liquid neared the top. In all the years they’d known each other, Branson had never complained about his blindness. But claiming he was the “luckiest man on earth” was new—something that started because of Stephanie.
“I’m happy for you, Bran. I really am. But I don’t need a woman. I have my friends and my family, and that’s all I need.”
“That’s like me saying I don’t need sight because I have ears and I can read Braille.” Bran shook his head. “You and Cole and Jarrett are awesome friends. I wouldn’t be where I am without you. But if you think having friends is as good as having a wife who’s committed to do life with you, for better or worse, you’re blinder than I am.”
For a moment, Finn let himself imagine how it would be to have a woman by his side. Someone who would be with him during his lonely hours of cystic fibrosis treatment. Someone who would sit by his side when he had to go into the hospital. Someone who would share his frustration when he had to keep a PICC line in for an extra three months.
But what did he have to offer such a wo
man? The inconvenience of hours of CF therapy. Constant worry about exposure to respiratory infections. Little chance of biological children, even with medical intervention. An almost certainty of being left behind as a young widow.
“I’m happy for you, Bran. But I’m afraid that’s not in my future.”
“Look, I know you’re always living your life like you could die tomorrow. But the truth is, you’re wasting it. If you’d gotten married when you graduated from college, you would’ve already had ten wonderful years of marriage.”
“Not if I’d married Jill.”
Bran laughed. “I wasn’t talking about Jill. No doubt you’d have been divorced by now if you’d married her. She was a piece of work. Probably the most selfish person on the planet. But come on, Finn. Surely you know you can’t judge every other woman based on Jill.”
As always, thoughts of his past with Jill brought bile into Finn’s throat. “Even if you’re right, it’s too late now. At twenty-three, I had a lot of dreams. Marrying Jill and having kids or adopting them was part of it. I romanticized the whole thing. I was ready to make the most of the time we had together. But I’m thirty-three now and a lot more mature. I have to face reality.”
Branson’s phone rang and he plucked it from his pocket, his fingers checking the incoming call. “I’m sorry, Finn. I need to take this.”
“No problem. I’ve got work to do.”
I can’t avoid Laurie all day.
The phone rang so long, Laurie thought it was going to voicemail.
“Hello?” Stephanie answered, breathless. “Are you there?”
“Hi, Steph.”
“I couldn’t find my phone. Heard it ringing in the bottom of the diaper bag. Found it inside one of the diapers—at least it was a clean one.”
“Ha. Guess that could’ve been bad.”
“What’s up? Are you at work?”
“Yes, I’m at work. But I was calling about tomorrow night. I think I’d better bow out of dinner.”
“You’re not coming? Why? Are you sick?”
“No, I’m fine. Mom’s cold turned out to be an allergy attack.”
“So why can’t you come? Ellie will be so disappointed.”
“You have to promise to keep this to yourself…”
“My lips are sealed. I won’t even tell Bran.”