‘I could tell from the initial message that it had to be kept completely quiet. There are spies in London Society: we could not risk any hint of a leak. There was a meeting of important generals at that castle, it was critical to achieve surprise.’
‘Did you not trust me?’ The stab of hurt brought anger with it, from nowhere, shattering the perfect mood. It shocked her, she never lost her temper and now… But she could not help it, the perfection of the lovemaking had changed everything.
‘I am your wife!’ she stammered, trying to convey how much his words wounded her. ‘Do you think I would – could – do anything that would endanger you? That I might help the French by speaking carelessly?’
Soldiers clustered around the next gun emplacement ahead of them looked up at her raised voice. They were almost back at the powder magazine. Blake stood still. ‘I did not know you.’
‘You knew me well enough to marry me,’ Emily said. So this was why he had simply abandoned her without an explanation. She took a grip on her anger and made herself speak calmly. ‘Well enough to entrust me with you name and your honour. Well enough to choose me to be mother to your children. Do you think me so empty-headed that I would prattle of something you had told me in confidence?’
‘It did not occur to me to confide in you,’ he said stiffly. ‘It was dangerous –‘
‘So I am such an idiot that I do not know that anything you would be involved in would be dangerous? It was hard enough not knowing whether you were dead or alive, but not even to be trusted not to betray you? Why did you marry me, Blake, if you think so little of me?’
Emily found she could not bear to stand there and have him tell her why. The money of course. It was something a woman who was not in love with him, who had only married him for position and status, would happily accept. She should accept it too and not let these impossible yearnings for love and trust destroy her poise and wreck what happiness she could find in this marriage. Because he was a tender lover did not mean Blake loved her, she should know that, learn to live with it, not confuse sex with deeper feelings.
‘No. Don’t say anything. I am sorry. I am being unreasonable, I know I am. And foolish. I thought perhaps you might leave the army because of me – not that I would ever ask you to – but you were thinking of it all along. I was silly enough to – No, never mind.’ She had almost blurted out her love for him. ‘I will just go and… just –‘
Emily took to her heels, one hand holding her hat on, the other catching up her skirts. She passed the small group of soldiers, had a fleeting impression of open mouths, then found herself at the clock-gate down into the town.
Blake had not run after her or he would have caught her by now. Of course, he was in uniform, he would not run after a woman in front of a group of soldiers. The crest of the slope hid him from her, so she had a few moments to decide where to go. If she went back to the Star Castle there would be no escaping him and she could not face him, not until she had recovered her poise and managed to get this foolish yearning for love under control. To the Governor’s house? No, that would be to risk a blazing row in front of everyone.
Emily hurried through the gate and down the steep cobbled roadway to the town. She had come up on donkey-back and never realised just how precipitous it was. She fought to slow down but her feet were running away with her and she was in the middle of the road, too far to catch hold of railings or door frames.
‘It is all right, ma’am, I’ll catch you!’ A naval officer was striding up the cobbles towards her, his arms outstretched. With a thud that made him rock she hit his chest and they swayed together for a moment before he managed to get his balance. He was a tall man, but the slope was steep enough for her to be able to look him in the eyes.
‘I am so sorry,’ she gasped, clutching at his lapels.
‘My pleasure, ma’am.’ His eyes were twinkling and she realised they were far too close together for decorum. The officer looked over her shoulder, up the hill. ‘Is that man bothering you?’
Emily twisted round. Blake
, his face like thunder, was striding down towards them.
Chapter Five
It was perfectly obvious what had happened. Emily had launched herself down this precipitous road far too fast for safety and the lieutenant had caught her. He had probably saved her from a nasty fall and who could blame him for holding onto a delicious armful of panting, grateful woman?
I could, Blake thought grimly, closing on them. The sensation in the pit of his stomach at seeing Emily clasped on another man’s arms was primitive, violent and uncivilised. He wanted to flatten the lieutenant. The instinct was not helped by the man attempting to put Emily behind him as though to protect her.
‘No, I am quite all right,’ she was protesting as he came within earshot. ‘That is my husband. I remembered I was late and I took the hill too fast, that is all.’ As Blake reached her side she turned to him, her smile forced. ‘My lord, this gentleman has saved me from a tumble.’
‘So I see.’ Blake schooled his face into an expression of gratitude even as he felt his teeth grit together. ‘I do wish you would not rush about so, my dear, you cannot always rely on the navy to rescue you.’ He put out his right hand to the lieutenant, drawing Emily against him with the other. ‘Greystoke. Obliged to you, sir.’
‘Walker. My duty, sir. Ma’am.’ The officer raised his hat and strode past them up the hill.
Hell, what was that knotting inside him, making him want to hit a perfectly honourable fellow-officer? Jealousy? Emily stood quite still, his hand wrapped around her forearm. ‘Are you all right? You could have fallen, badly.’
‘I know.’ She seemed braced as if expecting him to shout at her, he realised. ‘I forgot how steep it is.’ Her chin was up, her lips tight and she kept her gaze firmly on the gilt button just below his stock.
‘Come, let us go and find an inn with a private parlour and have something to eat.’ The mildness of his tone brought her eyes, wide and blue and puzzled, up to meet his. Blake knew the things she could probably read in his face were not what his voice was telling her, but he did not understand himself just now, let alone feel capable of explaining what he felt to her.
Emily’s outburst had shaken him with the realisation of just how much he had taken for granted. He had married and thought he could just carry on as he had before he married and as a result he had hurt her. Even so, her distress had seemed to be for more than that. I was silly enough to – To what? To fall in love? Something inside him seemed to shift. ‘Emily – ‘
‘Major, sir!’ Two men stood at the foot of the slope with a donkey with a battered bag and a pack on its back. ‘We were just bringing this up to the Governor’s house, sir.’
Blake stared at them. Those scruffy bags had been across Spain with him as they had across what seemed like most of war-torn Europe. He felt as battered as they looked.
And then he realised why he was going to sell out, why the title and the estates and all his other responsibilities were trivial in comparison. Those bags contained something he needed now almost more than anything else. It might give him what he wanted, although he was not certain he would ever have it. But he was going to try, here and now.