‘I could have reformed, been penitent, returned to my books and forswore women. Instead, I set out to prove him right, and I also set out to make sure that no woman ever had cause to complain of my performance in bed.’
Julia digested this, swallowed several forth right comments on the be ha vi our of her father in law, and said, ‘But you like women, don’t you? Not just the sex. That’s why you flirt.’
‘True.’ There was a hint of a smile at the corners of his mouth now.
‘Are you really worried about reforming for me? I wish you would not: I like you as you are.’
‘Loose women as well?’ he asked, eyebrows lifting.
‘I hope not, if I am honest,’ she said. ‘But I would be hypocritical if I objected: you married me to save me from being compromised. It is not as though you promised me a love match.’
‘No, I didn’t, did I?’ he said slowly. ‘But I promised you fidelity at the altar. I never meant to marry, I never expected to find a woman who would accept me as I am. There will be no other women, Julia. Only you.’
‘Good,’ she murmured, resting her head against his shoulder for a moment. ‘I am glad.’
They did not speak after that, driving in what seemed to Julia to be a companionable silence around the park and back to the house. Not a love match, but no other women either. If Hal said that, then she trusted him. And, of course, it was best to harbour no foolish fantasies about his feelings for her. She had always known that love was too much to hope for in marriage.
‘I’m thinking of going to Risinghall,’ Hal remarked at break fast two days later. Julia looked up from her egg, wondering why he had not mentioned his Buckinghamshire estate earlier. ‘It occurred to me while I was shaving,’ he explained, smiling at her. ‘The weather is holding, everything here is quiet. It is about time you saw your new home.’
And perhaps as we drive down, we can discuss what he expects me to do, she thought. Live in the country while he is posted to goodness knows where? America probably. She dug the point of her spoon into her boiled egg, the certainty stealing over her that she would not be happy to live like that. Other officers’ wives followed their husbands, she knew. It could not be harder than that hovel in Mont St Jean had been. But would Hal allow it?
‘Not until Monday, I trust,’ his mother said, cutting across her thoughts. ‘I am sure Julia will not wish to travel on a Sunday.’
‘True, Mama. We will do that then, the day after tomorrow, if it will suit you, Julia?’ He drained his coffee and stood up.
‘Yes, of course, if that is convenient for Lady Narborough. Hal, might I have a word before you go out?’ She was not going to wait, she decided. They would have this out now.
‘Of course. I will be in the library when you are ready.’
She went to find him twenty minutes later, feeling rather less like a new bride who had woken that morning to her husband’s caresses and more like a candidate for a housekeeper’s position.
‘Hal, what are your intentions when your wounds are completely healed?’ she asked without preliminaries, as she sat down on the opposite side of the library desk.
‘To go to Horse Guards and ask about my next posting.’ He put down the pen he was holding. ‘I thought a week or so in Buckinghamshire should see me fit. You will like it down there: it is peaceful and very beautiful. One of these days, when I sell out, I think I will start breeding horses there. You can come up to London with me when I return, if you like, or stay.’
‘And live here, if I come back?’
‘We can find our own town house if you wish,’ he offered. ‘I expect you would like to be close to mother and father and to the Stanegates’ house.’
‘I meant, you would not want me to come with you, wherever you are posted?’
‘No!’ The idea had never occurred to him, she realized with a sinking heart. ‘For Heaven’s sake, Julia, wasn’t your last experience of military life enough?’
‘I would rather know what was happening, share things, see things, than stay here out of touch.’ Out of your life. ‘I would not get in the way or interfere, I promise.’
‘I am not worried about you interfering, I am worried about your safety. And your comfort,’ he added.
‘Many officers’ wives followed their husband in the Peninsula, I know,’ she retorted. ‘If you teach me to ride, I will be able to get out of danger, won’t I? And as for comfort, I do not expect pampering. I expect to do my duty as your wife and that, I believe, means being with you.’
‘Your duty,’ he said flatly. ‘I see.’
What could she say? That she loved him and could not bear to be parted from him? And then what would he say to cover his dismay at discovering that he had to bear the burden of her emotional attachment as well as his responsibility for her welfare?
‘No,’ he repeated. ‘I am sorry, Julia, but that is final.’
I will not argue, not now, she told herself, closing her lips on all the arguments. He can change his mind—he married me when he was determined not to. I just have to find the right approach and the right moment.
‘I under stand,’ she said, attempting wifely meekness. Hal narrowed his eyes at her but did not pursue it. ‘I will go and organise an early departure for Monday, shall I?’