‘I do not make excuses,’ Arabella said, trying not to sound reluctant and hearing her own voice, colourless and flat.
‘No, you do not, do you?’ Elliott shifted across into the corner so he could look at her more directly and she made herself meet his gaze, her chin coming up a little. ‘You have little experience of men, I assume.’
‘Very little indeed,’ she agreed. ‘It has not been very successful so far,’ she added with an attempt at a dry little joke.
‘I will have to see what I can do to improve that,’ Elliott said. Mercifully he did not begin to explain just how he would set about it.
He was going to be her husband and he expected to be so, fully. Her brain did not seem to be working very well. Why had she not realised that he would require…that? She had known instinctively that there was a flaw with this perfect solution and here it was.
Somehow she must learn to please Elliott as she had not pleased Rafe, she must. She kept trying not to think of that, of what it had been like. Afterwards she had thought it had been her fault for being so ignorant, for crying out at the pain, otherwise he would not have risen from their makeshift bed so soon, without holding her, without so much as a caress. Now she tried to tell herself that he had behaved like that because of who he was and it was no fault of hers. But a voice inside hacked away at her confidence. Repressed, ignorant vicarage girl, it whispered in Rafe’s voice. You are frigid…You will never please a man. Stupid, clumsy, plain.
The next day she had hardly seen him, his kisses had been brief, almost brutal. And then, when she had clung to him, he had turned on her, his words full of angry, acid spite. At first she had not understood, then as the truth had sunk in she had clamped her hands over her ears, trying not to hear. She was a bore in bed, a bore for wanting to cling, a bore for not realising this was all a game to entertain him while he was stuck in this Godforsaken backwater. There had not been one word about her feelings, about her, at all.
Now, her resolution not to think about the act itself could not entirely suppress the thought of those quite shocking nightgowns. Elliott was expecting her to wear one tomorrow. Everything she would be wearing, every day, right down to her skin, was ordered and paid for by him. He owned her and she must do what he said.
A shiver ran down her spine. And he would own her baby, too. Yes, the diamond had a huge flaw in it, she could see it now so clearly. But that was the price she was going to have to pay for the security she and the child needed.
‘Would you like to rest?’ Elliott asked. Thank goodness, he showed no inclination to restart this discussion. He must have decided the matter was closed. Her husband-to-be had spoken. ‘It has been a long day. Stretch out on the seat. There is a rug you can use as a pillow.’
‘Thank you.’ Bella took off her bonnet and lay down. She was tired, now she let herself think about it, but more than that, if she pretended to sleep there would be no danger of any more conversation. Elliott folded the rug for her and she rested her head on it and closed her eyes. He is kind, she reminded herself. And honourable. And he will not be satisfied until he bends me absolutely to his will.
But you do not love me. That whispered protest seemed to echo in his brain. Of course he did not. Gentlemen did not expect love in marriage. And neither had Rafe. The words had been on the tip of his tongue, but he had not said them. He could not be so cruel as to remind her of that, not when Arabella looked at him and fixed those wide hazel eyes on his. Why had he not noticed before how clear her eyes were and how lavish the dark lashes?
If it had not been so serious he could have laughed at her innocent assumption that he would marry her in name only. It was not often that he was at a loss for words, Elliott reflected. But this time Arabella had s
ucceeded in silencing him for several seconds.
Women were emotional creatures, he told himself. Yesterday she had been exhausted, she had received a huge shock and she was with child. Just one of those circumstances was enough to make any woman hesitate when faced with a man insisting he share her bed, although, without vanity, he knew himself to be an experienced and skilful lover. Arabella would not be dissatisfied, he vowed. He would be gentle and considerate and not ask too much of her, not for some time yet. But he would go to her bed, put down the marker that he belonged there.
She would do her best to be a good wife, he believed that, although she had so much to learn, not just about him or the household but the entire world of the ton and her role as viscountess. But duty was obviously a word with meaning to her and she would try and he must help her.
Elliott made himself more comfortable in the corner and watched Arabella’s sleeping face. When she had blushed, putting colour into her wan cheeks, the effect had been rather charming. Perhaps he should make her blush more often. The thought of how he might achieve that brought a smile to his lips and a pleasant tightening in his groin. Yes, he was looking forward to tomorrow night.
He had felt a brute when he had won that argument, though. And when he had become angry he had the clear impression that she was used to being shouted at. She needed confidence to fulfil her new role and she was not going to get it if he was impatient—in bed or out of it.
At least he had been able to tell her the truth about his lack of a mistress. Keeping a chère amie and planning to court Frederica at the same time had seemed inappropriate to him, so he had paid Lucille off two months past. The lack of female companionship had been the least of his problems recently, but now it occurred to him that the dubious charms of celibacy were fast wearing thin.
Elliott crossed his legs, the heat of desire fading to be replaced by a mental image of Arabella regarding him reproachfully over the edge of the bed sheets. Patience was going to be needed, but she would soon become accustomed. It was fortunate that he did not suffer any lack of self-esteem in the bedchamber.
He made himself think of other things. He was beginning to admire Arabella’s courage. He tried to imagine what it would be like to be young, female, pregnant, to find your lover had rejected you and left you all alone. It was not easy for a self-confident, wealthy, privileged male to put himself in those shoes. Then he recalled the days after his father’s death, the shock of bereavement, the hurt of Rafe’s rejection, the loss of the comfortably familiar future he had naïvely imagined would be his, the insecurity of a small income with no open-handed father to bale him out.
That had been bad, but he’d had his freedom, a small estate, the status of his family name, a man’s lack of constraints, his friends and pastimes. The shock had spurred him to take risks and forge his own, successful, path. But Arabella was a woman with no power and no freedom.
Together they could build a marriage, he felt confident, just so long as he could remain patient and she was open with him.
Arabella stirred in her sleep and he smiled. Yes, charming was the word, with those long lashes and her hand tucked under her cheek like a slumbering child. Her lips moved and Elliott leaned closer.
‘No,’ she murmured. ‘No!’
‘Arabella.’
She woke, confused, on a bed that rocked, woken by Rafe, who was dead and who she must fight. She had been dreaming about him, that blissful moment when he had lain his long, hot body over hers, had parted her softness with demanding fingers—and then the nightmare had begun.
‘Arabella, we are home.’ Not Rafe, but Elliott. Safety. Bella rubbed her eyes, remembering and wondering at the relief that filled her when she saw who she was with.
Home. She swung her feet off the seat and sat up, pushing back her hair. Elliott looked tense. He must be impatient, chasing about the county because of her, dealing with her fears and her emotions, when he had so much to do here.
Bella reached for her new bonnet and tied the ribbons, managing a smile for him. He stared back, serious, looking as though he was trying to read her mind. ‘This is a lovely house,’ she said, snatching at conversation. ‘I think I will enjoy discovering it and learning about my new home.’