And so must I. And the child will know, somehow, that something is wrong, that something is missing from its life. There will be two of us, hoping for his love.
‘Elliott, will you promise me something?’
‘I will try,’ he said, his eyes wary. ‘I am not going to promise something I cannot hold to.’
‘Be honest with me from now on. Tell me what you feel, what you need.’
He watched her for a long few seconds and then shook his head. ‘No, I am sorry, my love, I cannot promise that. I can promise to try, but that is all.’
‘Then that will have to do,’ she said. My love. It is just an endearment. I am a fool to hope that one day you will call me your love, and mean it from the bottom of your heart. Something flickered in his eyes and was gone. ‘What is it?’
Elliott shook his head. ‘A thought that
you do not want to hear.’
‘Tell me.’ Bella went to him and caught his hands in hers. ‘Please.’
‘I want to make love to you,’ Elliott said. ‘Don’t ask me to explain why, now of all times. I know you won’t—’
‘Yes,’ she said, confused, but trying to understand. He needed to prove that she, at least, was his and no longer another man’s. ‘You are my husband and…Elliott!’ He scooped her up and was halfway up the stairs before she got her breath back. ‘Put me down…the servants will see…you’re drunk!’
‘They are paid to be blind, Arabella. And I am stonecold sober.’ He shouldered open his bedchamber door, laid her on the bed and went back to close and lock the door.
Bella sat up and watched as he tossed his coat and waistcoat on to a chair, unwrapped his neckcloth and began to unfasten his shirt. I have seen him naked, she told herself, forcing her fingers to unclench from the bedspread. But she had never seen him undress like this, stripping away his clothes, tossing them aside as though all that mattered was to get to her.
‘Your boots,’ she managed, hearing the way her voice quavered.
‘Don’t worry, Arabella, I’m not the sort of husband who comes to bed in his boots and spurs.’ He sat on a chair and dragged them off, pulling the stockings with them. Which left him, in broad daylight, in nothing but his breeches. He was very obviously aroused as he stood up and advanced purposefully on the bed. And so was she, with thudding heart, shortness of breath and the embarrassingly insistent intimate pulse between her legs. She ought to be alarmed, she knew. This was her husband, but in a mood she had never seen him before.
Elliott put one knee on the bed and began to unbutton her simple afternoon gown. He bent and kissed her neck as he pushed off her gown. ‘And there is absolutely no hurry.’
It took at least fifteen minutes to remove her petticoats, her chemise and her stays. Every tape, hook and button appeared to require a kiss or a nibble or a touch of his tongue. Bella closed her eyes and wondered if this was a branding, whether he was marking her entire body as his. She was uncertain, but she was also aching and needing and hot and restless. Her breasts were swollen and tender, the nipples hard, wanting his mouth to cover them.
Finally all that was left were stockings and garters. Bella opened her eyes, found Elliott kneeling at her feet and closed them again as he began to untie the ribbons, peel down the stockings, his mouth following the silk to her instep. And then, to her utter shock, he took her toes in his mouth and sucked.
‘Elliott!’ She sat bolt upright, outraged. He looked up, his eyes challenging her to protest again and he kept right on sucking and nibbling until she flopped back, beyond any resistance or shame. Then the other stocking, the other toes, before his hands slid up to press her thighs apart and he began to torment the soft skin behind her knees.
Bella reached for him, wanting to touch, but he evaded her easily. ‘Relax,’ he said harshly.
‘Relax?’ Impossible. There was too much to think about, to worry about. Then she arched off the bed like a bow with shock and delight as he pressed her thighs wider and licked right into the hot aching core of her. Thought became disjointed, feeling was everything—and she burned and throbbed and became liquid with desire. She felt him slip a finger, then another, inside her and felt only the delicious sensations, the urge to close around him, draw him deeper. But his tongue would not let her focus, concentrate, everything was blurring, dissolving and then splintering.
There was a scream and she knew it came from her own throat. Elliott shifted his weight over her and she anchored herself to his big, strong body and held him close. Then, slowly, while her body was still rippling and quivering with delight, he slid into her, inexorable, delicious, until he filled her and she could embrace him with all of herself.
‘Arabella?’ She took one hand from his shoulder and used it to pull his mouth down to hers and kissed him as he started to rock gently, gently inside her. When it changed she did not know, but she was thrusting up to meet him, digging her nails into the tight buttocks to bring him closer still, desperate for him and the building, dizzying sensation that swept over her.
She heard him groan as her body rippled around him and then he thrust hard and cried out and she felt the heat inside her as he came. And then he was lying on her, heavy and hot and male, and she tightened her arms around him and thought she would never let him go.
Elliott was awake, she could feel the slight tension in his body as he tried not to move and wake her. Bella smiled, her cheek against his chest, and fluttered her eyelashes so they tangled with the dark springing hair.
‘Awake?’ he murmured and she nodded, tilting her head to look at him.
He looks at peace with himself again, she thought. Sleek, satisfied male. My male.
‘It was good for you?’
‘Are you fishing for compliments?’ Bella asked, coming up on one elbow to study his face. ‘It was wonderful and you know it. Elliott, we must talk about the child.’
‘No. There is nothing more to be said.’ The warmth cooled as though a current of air had passed over their hot skin. ‘Bella, there is nothing you can do about this. I will just have to come to terms with it in my own way.’ Elliott pulled her in close to his side again. ‘You are very beautiful, you know.’