I love him. Oh, Callum. How had that happened? She had thought she was beginning to be fond of him, she knew she admired him, she almost feared that she desired him. But this, this was a disaster, was it not, to love a man who did not love her?
‘A penny for your thoughts, Mrs Chatterton.’ The journal was folded on the chaise beside him now and he had shifted position. How long had she sat there trying to absorb this revelation?
‘I was just thinking about what to wear tomorrow,’ Sophia improvised. ‘It is Lady Archbold’s musicale.’
‘What should you wear? The pale blue silk,’ he said promptly, surprising her that he had any idea of what was in her wardrobe. She had not worn that gown yet.
‘How do you know I have a pale blue gown?’
‘I must have seen Chivers taking it downstairs to press it, I suppose. Do you need to rush out and buy anything to go with it?’
Not only seen it, but taken notice and considered how she would look in it. She had thought all he was interested in was her more flimsy nightgowns and the fact that she did not spoil her looks by wearing black.
‘Indeed not, that would be extravagant. I have just the thing—a dark blue reticule and matching slippers.’
‘We should discuss our dinner party,’ Callum said. ‘If that goes well, then we can plan a larger party. This house may not be large enough for a musicale or a soirée, but I think we can seat a dozen. Of course, we ought to think about a reception: we can use the Flamborough town house for that. We’ll fix a date.
‘Which reminds me—where are our wedding gifts? I felt certain we now owned about six fish slices and a quantity of soup tureens, but last night’s soup was in the china one I bought when I moved here.’
‘They are downstairs. I wrote and thanked everyone,’ Sophia said. ‘William’s secretary kindly made me a list.’ She stared around the room, half-expecting that crystal and silver and porcelain would appear. ‘I am sorry, I haven’t had them unpacked yet. It was all such a rush, and then we did not actually need any of it and there was so much else to think about.’ Her voice trailed away. There was really no excuse. She had very little to do that would justify forgetting vital household tasks. Hours spent sketching were no excuse.
‘You must be the only lady of my acquaintance who would not fall upon boxes full of gifts at the earliest opportunity.’
‘I know.’ It must seem bizarre to him, that she could write thank-you notes and not want to enjoy the objects themselves. ‘It just did not seem real somehow,’ she admitted truthfully.
‘What didn’t?’ Callum’s brows drew together.
‘Being married. After all this time. To you,’ she added, then bit her lip before she made it any worse.
For a moment she thought Callum would be angry with her—it had been the most tactless thing to say. But instead he snorted with laughter. ‘And it will take the appearance of a set of fish knives and some fancy dinner plates to convince you that you have married me?’
‘No.’ She found herself laughing too. ‘No, you convinced me of that.’ I am married and in love with my husband.
‘Interesting. And do you feel married now?’ If he found that amusing he was keeping a perfectly straight face, but she was coming to learn that she could not always read Callum’s moods by his expressions.
‘Very married, thank you,’ Sophia said primly, pretending not to notice the very wicked twinkle in his eyes. ‘How could I fail to after dealing with a crisis in the kitchen over my husband’s dislike of every variety of tea that is put in front of him, the housemaids complaining that he never uses the waste bin in his study and the laundry maid in tears because most of his handkerchiefs were put in with a red kerchief and are now pink.’
‘What a very unsatisfactory husband I must be. Send to Twining’s in the Strand for teas; I will write you a list. As for the others, I cannot help the handkerchiefs and I will try to remember not to screw up papers and lob them inaccurately at the fireplace.’ He studied her face and she began to wonder if her emotions were plain on her face. ‘Are those truly the highlights of married life to date?’
‘No. those are just the low points.’ It was very pleasant teasing him, seeing him smile. Now, if only she could manage not to blush … ‘Other things have convinced me more pleasurably that I am a married woman.’
‘Indeed?’ Callum leaned back on the chaise and she contrived to tear her mind from how elegantly his long body lounged there and concentrate on what felt perilously like a flirtation.
‘Certainly.’ She began to count things off on her fingers. ‘My generous dress allowance, my pin money, living in London—they are all delightful.’ Perhaps he would come over and do some of the other, much more intimate things, teach her to enjoy them with him.
‘And you do not pine for what might have been?’ he asked, cutting through the relaxed atmosphere as effectively as if he had slammed a door.
‘No! You know I did not love Daniel. How awful it would have been to have married him and have had to pretend.’
‘Whereas with me you do not have to pretend.’ Callum said it so smoothly that Sophia had no idea whether it was a barbed comment or not. But I have to pretend the opposite, she thought, her thoughts and emotions tangling.
‘But …’ Sophia closed her eyes, trying to cut out the sight of the darkness in his as she struggled to find the right words. Callum would see his dead brother every time he looked in a mirror. It must be so hard for him to forget, to heal. ‘You do not look like the Daniel I remember—or the Callum either, come to that.’ She looked at him, struggling for the right words. ‘You have changed since you went away, grown into a man, as I’m sure he also did. But I would have had to learn what he was like, all over again, just as I have had to learn with you.’
Callum did not reply immediately, but it seemed to her that some of the darkness lifted, as though she had said something he wanted to hear. The clock on the mantel struck the half-hour and he got to his feet. ‘I must go and change for dinner. Now we know they are back in town, we could invite our new neighbours to dine, don’t you think?’
‘Oh, yes.’ She rose too. ‘I will come up with you.’ Callum opened the door, then offered her his arm as they climbed the stairs. Sophia felt a surge of happiness.
Callum might not love her, but he seemed much more in sympathy with her now. And she had made a new friend. And she rather hoped her husband would come to her room tonight.