‘First of all, because I thought you were too young, and I was full of guilt about the way you made me feel.’ His hand came up to cup her chin gently. ‘And you made me feel so very…’ He broke off at the blush staining her cheeks.
‘And when I discovered the truth about your age, I was so confused by the responsibility I felt for you, and my regret at dragging you half way across Europe, and the sheer irritation you invoked in me every time I started to feel fond of you…’
‘Irritation?’ Cassandra exclaimed, suddenly, miraculously, enjoying herself.
It was all going to be all right, he loved her, he had always loved her. ‘I was never as irritating as you were!’
‘You were enough to try the patience of a saint.’ He smiled down at her. ‘You still are. Cassandra, .do you think, just possibly, you could…’
‘Love you? Is this a declaration, my lord?’ She hated – and loved – to see Nicholas, her Nicholas, deprived of his usual self-assurance.
He raked his hands through his hair. ‘Yes, of course it is, you provoking woman. I love you. Do you love me? Will you marry me? Is that plain enough for you?’
She opened her mouth to say yes, then was struck by a cold fear. ‘Even after what I did in Venice?’
He didn’t reply, but took her hand and led her to a chaise longue. Seated beside her, he gathered up both hands in his and said quietly, ‘Tell me why.’
Cassandra looked into the strong, tender face she loved so much and struggled to find the right words. ‘I wanted you to see me as a woman, not a silly, troublesome girl who had spoilt your Tour. I wanted you to see that those moments when you’d seemed to want me, meant something, that we were right for each other.’
‘But you could have told me.’
‘I didn’t think you would understand. You saw me as a mixture of a boy and a child. But I loved you as a woman, although I didn’t understand what that meant until that moment in Lucia’s bedroom.’
‘That woman. She led you astray. What can one expect from a – ’
‘No, that is not fair. She wanted to help me, she made me see that perhaps you cared for me. I was wrong to accept her solution.’
‘Why did you run away having come so far?’ he queried gently.
‘I had no idea it would be like that, that I would feel so overwhelmed. I was frightened and then, I realised it would be wrong to do something that would dishonour both of us.’ She lifted troubled eyes to his, ‘Can you understand?’
Nicholas put his arm around her shoulder, pulling her hard against his chest. ‘Why couldn’t you tell me? Later?’
Cassandra kept her face hidden in his shirtfront, the smell of clean linen and the warmth of him was achingly familiar. ‘I knew you’d be angry. I couldn’t bear you to think less of me. And I was afraid, I couldn’t control what I had incited in you.’
‘You have no need to be frightened, Cassie. Next time it will be different, I promise you.’ His voice was very husky against her hair.
‘But not too different,’ she ventured, daringly.
Nicholas laughed, and tipped up her chin. ‘Minx. We are getting very solemn here, but while we are, let me say I never meant any of those things I said to you the other morning when I found the necklace. I was hurt and I struck out when I should have trusted my feelings for you.’
Cassandra twisted free from his arms and looked at him directly. ‘Why did you not tell me how you felt when we reached Vienna?’
‘Because I thought you had had enough of me,’ he said wryly. ‘I had scolded you, walloped you, lectured you, nearly got you drowned. You’d seen my bad temper. How could that compare with being courted by the likes of Lord Stewart or a horde of well-bred, amiable young men?’
‘What could Lord Stewart give me that could compare with being attacked by brigands, bitten by fleas, poisoned by disgusting food and entertained by the Bulstrodes?’ She regarded him from under her lashes. ‘I think you must agree, Nicholas, that either I’m in love with you, or I am fit only for Bedlam.’
‘I think we’re both mad,’ he said, with a smile. ‘But tell me you love me, and will marry me regardless.’
Cassandra looked at him, the happiness welling up inside her so she could hardly speak. ‘Yes, Nicholas, I love you. I think I have loved you from the beginning, but I only realised what it was in Nice. I will marry you, it’s all I ever dreamed of. I only ran away with Guy because I saw no future without you, and I wanted you to be happy. I would never have married him, nor anyone else.’
‘Little fool,’ he said huskily, pulling her against his chest and kissing her with a passionate, possessive intensity. With a sigh of surrender, Cassandra responded, melting into his embrace. For the first time, she could express all the love she felt for him without reserve, without fear.
How long they would have stayed there locked in each other’s arms she had no way of knowing. All she knew was that Guy tapped on the door and strolled in, a bottle of champagne in one hand, three glasses in the other.
‘It seems I must play the chaperon tonight, my friends. Not a role I am used to, but then, tonight has been full of new experiences. And besides, that’s my bed.’
Nicholas turned to him challengingly. ‘How could you play such a trick on me, after all the years we have been friends?’