Alien and the Wedding Planner

“Then who are you people? Oh my God, you’re with the government, aren’t you? You kidnapped people to experiment with them. What did you do to me? Did you inject me with biological warfare serum? Is that what you did? Please tell me!”

“Calm down, Lana,” said the second woman, gently pushing her back to the gurney. “We are not with the government or the human trafficking ring.”

“Then, who are you people?”

“We’re Crimean. We’re going to bring you to our home planet.”

Alana watched them for a second and burst out laughing. Didn’t Ice and Storm mention about uncloaking a ship earlier? Those crazy cosplayers or Larpers or whatever they called themselves these days.

“Why are you laughing?” asked the first woman. “I’m afraid I didn’t get the joke.”

“Of course not. I just thought you were gonna say you’re aliens or something.”

The first woman tilted her head slightly aside. An almost smile hovered on her lips. “I guess you can call us that. We are not humans, if that’s what you mean.”

Alana laughed harder. “Yeah, right.”

“Do you find it hard to believe?”

“Aliens don’t exist.” Alana rolled her eyes. Give me a break. “Or if they do, why would they kidnap me? I’m a nobody. They should kidnap Stephen Hawking. He’s smart.”

“Believe it or not, you might be the key to our survival.”

Survival? Alana laughed again. “Okay, okay, seriously, this is getting old. You people really commit to your characters. This is going too far. Take this stuff off me. Please.”

“I’m afraid we can’t.” The second woman held her shoulders against the gurney. “We’re nearly done, just one more step, and then we’ll be able to let you up from the table.”

The first woman held what looked like a giant syringe with no needle, filled with a dark red liquid.

Alana watched her with horror. “What is that?”

The woman lifted the sheet and pressed it against Alana’s side. The syringe hissed, and Alana gasped at the sting of it. “Fuck!” When the woman lifted the syringe, it was empty. “What was that? What did you do to me?” Alana asked, trying to keep the panic out of her voice, and failing.

“Proteins and engineered bacteria to make sure you don’t feel ill while the nanobots alter your DNA.”

“Wha—”

The second woman kept her from thrashing against her bounds. “You’ll need to lie there for a few more minutes, and then you can get up. I know you must be confused.” She stood a little taller and gestured to the other woman. “I am Rain Moonray, and this is Leaf Windblade. I’ll answer any questions you have. I’m sorry we couldn’t explain what we were doing before we did it, but time is of the essence.”

Alana’s body felt suddenly light, as if she were floating off the table. Her mouth went dry. “What did you do to me? And why?”

Rain tilted her head again as if she approved of the questions. “We examined you earlier and confirmed that human physiology can’t withstand travel faster than the speed of light. The radiation alone would end your life, so we modified your physiology to allow you to survive the journey.”

“Journey?”

“Back to our planet, Crimea.”

Alana swallowed, and her mouth felt normal again. “Right. Well, let me tell you something, I ain’t going nowhere. I want to go home, right now. Home.” She swallowed hard and added, “Earth!”

“I understand, and I am sympathetic. The only consolation I can offer, Lana, is that you will be revered on Crimea and hailed as a hero of our people if our mission is successful. We need you, and as such, you will be treated much like I suppose a queen is treated on your earth,” said Rain.

Queens aren’t always treated that well, lady. Just watch Game of Thrones.

Alana flinched when the one called Leaf held a round, silver object over her stomach. “What is that?”

Leaf offered a reassuring smile. “I’m scanning to be sure it’s safe to allow you to sit up. You won’t feel anything.”

Alana closed her eyes and hoped that all of this was nothing but a bad dream. Maybe Susan the bridezilla spiked my coffee with acid when I told her I can’t get some white hyacinths as a bridal bouquet. It’s freaking summer! You can’t get hyacinths in the summer. And why would you want hyacinths when other brides covet peonies or cabbage roses? Yes, yes, I must be going crazy.