I whirled to face him with dripping paintbrushes gripped in my fists like swords. “I gave you my word I would tell you if I moved on. I didn’t say I would only call if that was the case.”
He started to argue then fell silent. “Hmm. I guess that’s true then, isn’t it?”
“Bloody idiot.” I turned away from him and went back to rinsing before the urge to commit violence overtook me once again.
“Bloody? My influence is rubbing off.”
He sounded so pleased with himself. So normal. As if this was an everyday conversation.
We hadn’t made a life between us who would need to be fed and clothed. Nope, we could just keep meeting every other month or two until I couldn’t bend over to tie my shoes, never mind kneel to suck his damn dick.
“I get as much influence from Lucifer reruns as I do from you. You know why? Because I can hit play on that show any day I want and he’s in my living room. And you are not. You haven’t been here and you won’t be here.” I ran out of steam at the end, staring blindly at the bubbles in the sink while my throat ached and my eyes burned. But at least no more tears fell.
Small favors.
“I came back for you, Ivy. That’s why I’m here. Not because of Kellan or Ian or anyone other than you.”
I bowed my head. “Don’t say that.”
“It’s sterling truth. Have I ever lied to you before?”
“Does that include you leaving out the part about you being in the music business?”
“Yes.” That he acted like that was no big thing just gave me more fuel for my fire. Too bad it was dangerously close to sputtering out.
“I’m not denying you may have flown here solely for me, but it wasn’t because you were here to pledge your undying love.”
“How do you know that?” he snapped. “Suddenly, you’re an expert on me now? You know all my thoughts and feelings?”
“I know what you’ve shown me, and only that.” I dropped a clean brush in a pail and wiped my sweaty forehead with the back of my hand. “If you came here for some reason other than us getting naked in the closest vehicle, yay. That’s very sweet. I’d probably be flattered if I wasn’t facing my future head-on.”
“Considering I just found out you’re carrying my child, I think I’m doing quite well.”
“Of course you are, because you know exactly where to find the door.”
“Goddammit, woman, will you listen to me?” He stepped forward and gripped my shoulders in his strong hands, shaking me just enough to make me grit my teeth. “I’m trying to say I want to be part of this. I have to be part of this.”
Even as hope surged in my chest, I squashed it. I couldn’t afford to wish on any more shooting stars.
Or any more disappearing rockstars.
“That’s just it,” I whispered. “You’re a part of it. It’s all happening inside of me. I’ve been here every day, doing all of this alone. Can you get that?”
“I get it.” He wrapped himself around me, crossing his arms over my chest until I was completely surrounded in his warmth and comforting smell. “I regret you had to do any of this alone. That I missed even a minute. I wish to God I’d picked up those calls. But there’s something I haven’t told you about a situation in my past—”
“A woman.”
His lack of answer was answer enough.
I swallowed deeply and stared straight ahead until the bright swirls of paint on the brushes in the sink blurred together. I wanted to curl into him and never, ever leave. But somehow, I stood strong. “I can’t hear about any of that today.”
“Okay. Whatever you need.”
“Right now, I need you to go,” I said brokenly. I hated that I was on the verge of tears again. Still. I also hated like hell to let him out of my sight for a second.
What if this was the last time I ever saw him? Would I survive it?
But if he stayed, I would crumble. He would sneak his way under my defenses, and I needed to do what was best for my child—not me. It would never be about just me and my needs again. It was one thing if he breezed in and out of my life. Quite another if he did the same thing with my baby.