I was doing this all wrong.
“We can go see it, sure. It’s not fully set up yet, but yes, whenever you’d like.”
She made a sound that seemed perilously close to a sob. Inside my pockets, both hands fisted.
Fuck.
“Or not. We can ease into the living-in part of the nanny job, if you’d rather. You seem occupied here.” I looked around at the joyful chaos that surrounded us. “There’s just one problem.”
That sound again, deep in her chest.
Oh, shit.
My shoulders locked as she shifted toward me. She was laughing. A little maniacally, but still. It was so rare to even see mirth in her beautiful eyes or for her lips to curve.
Full-tilt laughter was unimaginable.
“Let me get this straight. We slept together, no-strings attached, and now you want to hurry up and move me in your house to be your full-time nanny, although you still haven’t seen fit to inform your sweet grandmother that you banged me?” She whisked tears off her cheeks with her thumbs. “Seriously, Asher, if you want to have sex with me again, you don’t have to work this hard.”
It was my turn to stare. I couldn’t even begin to unpack all of what she’d said.
Except that last part. And my traitorous cock had just taken notice of the tight pink T-shirt she wore under her apron, and her bare calves peeking out from under her cropped jeans.
Calves? Really? Since when were they an erogenous zone?
Since right now, apparently. My whole body had become one. Only activated by her.
Goddamn Hannah Jacobs.
Despite the fact that my dignity was lying in tatters on the floor—I was not moving her in so I could have easy access to sex, thank you—my baser nature was still intrigued by the last part of her statement.
If I didn’t have to work that hard, it meant that….
No.
No, Lily’s well-being came first. If I was paying Hannah, I wasn’t having sex with her.
I exhaled and pushed a hand through my hair. “I realize you don’t know me well.”
“Or at all, sexual congress aside.”
“I haven’t heard that term used in twenty years. Maybe not even then.” It was oddly hot, in a puritanical sort of way. “Regardless, Lily comes first. I would never move you in to satisfy my urges. If I even have them.” Which I wasn’t admitting to.
“Really.” She crossed her arms, regarding me with a tilt of her head. “This isn’t some kind of Hallmark special move.”
“What? God, no. What are they showing on the Hallmark channel now?”
She waved it off. “I’m just saying, this nanny scenario is like the foundation for half the tabloid affairs I read about. No, I don’t read about tabloid affairs,” she added, correctly guessing my next question. “I just hear stuff.”
“I would never take advantage of my position that way.” On that point, I wouldn’t waver. “Lily deserves someone who is wholly committed to her. Like I—” I stopped and exhale
d again.
Like I should be.
I was financially, as well as when it came to keeping her safe. It was the loving her like a parent should part of the deal I hadn’t quite managed. It was early days yet. She was still Billy’s in my head. Would always be Billy’s. He deserved a space I didn’t belong in.
So, where did I fit exactly?