When I glanced back at Asher, instead of the soft smile I usually found on his face, he was frowning. Exhaustion dug brackets along both sides of his distractible mouth. He was still wearing his aviator sunglasses and his scarlet tie was askew.
“How was your trip?”
“Fine.”
My spine tingled. His voice was tight. “You caught us right in the middle of crazy lunchtime. She’s discovering the glory of—”
“Processed food? Is that what you’re feeding her? What you’ll be feeding our baby?”
“Excuse me?” I dropped the baby wipe I was using. Lily immediately picked it up off the tray and stuck it in her mouth. Her sweet laughter turned to instant tears at the taste of the light soap in the material. “Dammit,” I muttered as I unlocked the tray to unbuckle her.
“What happened to my kitchen?”
“I was working on my meals for my business. I was just about to clean up when your daughter decided to fling her food. So, yeah, I was a little backed up on the dishes.”
“Your sole job should be taking care of Lily. That’s what I pay you for.”
I hugged Lily tighter to me. I knew he wasn’t this guy deep down. He was too good with Lily—and with me when he let himself relax—but right now, he was the rigid Asher who made me want to pack my stuff and run.
“This agreement only works as long as we both are happy with it. What am I supposed to do when that is no longer the case?”
His jaw locked. “You’re truly that unhappy?”
There. The flash of fear made me want to hug both of them to me and never let go. But I was still me. I’d pushed aside everything I needed before to be the rock for someone. Two someones—and it was happening all over again.
Guilt swamped me, even as my spine stiffened. I couldn’t let him railroad me. Lily was the most important person in all of this.
And our child.
“I’m not just a mom, Asher. I’m not even totally a mom yet and I know that. I want more. I’m always going to want more. It’s okay for you to have a career and not me?”
“I never said that.” He raked his fingers through his hair. “You’re the most capable woman I know.”
Lily tucked her face into my neck, her cries subsiding as I swayed with her. “Then don’t come in here with that attitude and take out your crappy day on me.”
His face closed off. “Don’t claim to know what’s going on with my day.”
“Why would I? You just come in here with a scowl instead of coming to see her. She missed you last night.”
He tipped back his head.
I knew it was a direct hit. I also knew it was a shitty thing to say when he was exhausted, but I just didn’t care. I was tired of his crap.
I was pretty much tired of everything.
“I have to get her cleaned up.” Lily reached out a hand for him as we walked by. I couldn’t hold her away from him. It wasn’t fair. To his credit, he didn’t shrink away from her sticky fingers. He leaned down and kissed her chubby little hand, and his scent made me want to lean into him to let him hug me. To make me feel a little bit better. And that was far too dangerous.
I couldn’t count on anyone but me. Watching everyone walk away from me reminded me of that every damn day.
“I’m sorry, Hannah. I would never belittle your work. I just don’t want you to think you have to work. You, Lily, and our baby are all that’s important to me.”
“You have a funny way of showing it.” My voice was raspy with emotion. I knew he meant it, but he sucked at showing it unless I cornered him.
Before he could say anything else, I escaped the kitchen and headed upstairs. Lily’s lower lip trembled, but she didn’t make a sound. She only clutched me tighter. “I’m sorry, little one. He just makes me crazy.”
By the end of her bath, she was laughing once more. I took a little extra time to play with her with the tub soap I’d picked up. The foam was colored and stuck to the tiles until I rinsed it away. Keeping her in the tub seat was growing more difficult. Independence was her middle name. I used the low flow setting and rinsed her off as well as the walls.
We were both giggling by the time I bundled her up in her turtle hoodie towel, then we played on the new mat that Asher had bought for her. I couldn’t wait to put it down until he got back. Not with her level of acrobatics and urge to climb.