“This time? I don’t fight with him that much.”
“Actually with him? No. But in your head, it happens far more often.”
I had to smile. “When did you get so wise?”
“Let me pull some tarot cards.”
“Ugh, Lu, I don’t need help from the universe.”
“No, you need help from your right hand to break the tension, but I know you have spiritual misgivings about that.”
I had to laugh. “I certainly don’t. I just don’t think much about sex.”
Until recently. I could not make the same claim at this point. But that was all Brooks’ fault too.
He was basically responsible for everything up to and including the change of seasons. It had been warm yesterday, so I’d set out a cute swingy skirt and shoulderless top to wear today, only to wake up to an inch of snow.
If it hadn’t been for our fight yesterday, I would’ve checked the weather before choosing my outfit. But I had not. Which was why my kneecaps were knocking together in my too-short skirt.
Bright side? I was mixing ingredients so fast that soon I’d be overheated.
“Well, you need to tell me your secret, because it’s on my mind before breakfast and basically all through the day. But the effectiveness of the early morning bang can’t be disputed. Just sets your day off on the right note, ya know?”
“How long has it been since you’ve had one?”
“Longer than I’ve had my beat-up leather bomber jacket. I still have a memory though, thank you very much. And I have no qualms against self-service when it comes to gas—or my own pleasure palace.”
I snorted. “Will pulling cards make you stop talking about diddling yourself?”
“Possibly.”
“Then pull.”
I continued stirring while she made all kinds of humming sounds. “This is very interesting. I did a basic past, present, future reading. Past was three of swords. Heartbreak. Did he do something serious? More than the usual male failure to communicate like a fully-functioning human?”
“You could say that. But he didn’t do it to me. Exactly. It just…was done. And I’ve been hurt over it, and then yesterday he told me her name rhymed with mine.” I gasped. “Ugh, you did not just hear that.”
“Hear what?”
I sagged against the side of the stove. “He’s messing with me, Lu. I want to become a lesbian or join a convent. Maybe a convent of lesbians.”
“I don’t want to make it worse. I know there are best friend privacy laws—I have basically a vow of secrets will be kept close to the vest or death becomes her with mine—but that sounds really bad. If it’s anything close to what I’m thinking, he’s a royal prick.”
“Is he? Am I being completely ridiculous? We aren’t together. We’ve never been together. Probably never—”
“Uh uh. Don’t finish that out. These cards for you say otherwise.”
I gripped my spoon hard enough to crack the wood. “Yeah?”
“Present is wheel of fortune. Big changes are coming or have come, and there’s no stopping them.”
I sighed. “I can verify they’ve come.”
“But you haven’t and I guarantee that’s a quarter of your problem with him. Maybe as much as a third. This much sexual tension for this long isn’t healthy for anyone, Regina. It clouds the mind and muddles the thinking. Once you get some of it out of your system, you’ll both stop acting so, well, batshit.”
“I disagree.” I banged down my mixing bowl on the counter. “I’m already all screwed up over him, and I haven’t even seen his dick, just felt it a few times.”
“Oh, now this is a story I’ve missed. Do tell. Is the gun in his holster the only one that’s fully armed or what?”