God, what was wrong with me?
I pulled into my driveway and didn’t even remember the drive. Dangerous on a whole different level. Autopilot in the middle of the night was often how I got myself home, that wasn’t the issue.
I’d thought of nothing but him the entire time. That was the part that I didn’t want to face.
I parked and locked my doors when I normally wouldn’t have. This was a safe neighborhood. I’d grown complacent as a woman, as a member of society. My life was the restaurant and home. I didn’t go out much simply because I was too tired to make the effort.
The dangers of a big city were everywhere and I hadn’t paid attention to my surroundings. I’d become a victim.
What had happened after was beyond definition.
I rushed up the walk and into my house, locking the doors. Part of me wanted to turn every light on in my house. To banish every shadow, but I wasn’t going to be ruled by fear.
I was naked without my bag, my phone—my things.
For fuck’s sake, I was practically naked in my vestibule. I wore Max’s shirt and he’d cut my panties off me.
Literally.
Cut them off me.
He’d ripped my pantyhose to get to me.
He’d wanted me that bad.
I sagged against my door. Nothing made sense. I didn’t inspire that kind of reaction from anyone, let alone one of the richest men in the state.
I was officially living in Oppositelandia.
With shaking fingers, I opened his shirt and stripped it off, leaving it by the door. I didn’t want him on me. I didn’t want his scent sticking to me right now. I took the stairs at a run and stripped out of my skirt and the threads of what was left of my nylons.
I turned the water to scalding and stepped under it in the dark. I pressed my hands to the cool tile. The abrasions stung from my trip to the ground from the mugger then Max’s orders to face the cement support beam. I tipped my face up to the spray and the first wave of tears hit me.
Too much.
Today had been too much. I crouched down in the shower and let the hot water run to warm before I stood and quickly washed before my hot water tank emptied. I was sore between my legs in ways I didn’t want to examine.
I wrapped myself in a huge towel and curled up on the center of my bed. The moonlight left slats of silver across my unmade sheets. Part of me wanted to just close my eyes and let the rest of the day fall away. Now that the adrenaline was gone, my limbs felt like lead and all I wanted to do was sleep.
But I didn’t.
I sat up and dragged my laptop off the hassock next to my bed. I turned on the light and opened up my computer to find all the numbers to call.
By the time I’d finished, it was heading for three in the morning. I was lucky because I didn’t have to work the early shift the next day, but now with a list in my head, sleep was elusive.
I forced myself to turn off the lights and close my computer. To lay in the dark and relax.
I’d changed out of my damp towel into my favorite nightshirt between credit card company phone call seven and eight. I should have been able to sleep, dammit. Exhaustion wasn’t even the word for what I was.
But my nipples were sore under the soft cotton and my center felt abused and sated in a way that didn’t make sense. I literally felt like a tornado had lifted me, shook me like a ragdoll, and dropped me back down to the ground.
With orgasms included.
I slipped my hand into the wide collar of my shirt and hissed at my still sensitive breast. My nipple hardened immediately as if it was looking for more of Max’s mouth and rough touch. I cupped myself gently and tugged at the tight tip.
The moan that slipped out of my mouth surprised me. As a woman who was alone more often than in a relationship, I knew how to satisfy myself. The ultimate insomnia cure was something I was very familiar with.
But I shouldn’t need it tonight.