“He wasn’t lying. It feels incredible.”
She circled his navel with her pinky. “So…are you always on top?” Catching his constricted expression, she grinned. “Matt and I have this thing. Everything becomes hypothetical if we don’t feel comfortable discussing it. So, hypothetically, are you always on top?”
“Hypothetically, hmm?” The hypothetical thing seemed kinda stupid to him, but what did he know? The pair of them were so tight that their ways of dealing with each other must work pretty well. “Hypothetically, I’d say most of the time, yes. Not always.”
“So it feels better to you that way.”
“It feels pretty good regardless, but yeah, better for me. Hypothetically, of course.” He couldn’t keep from laughing. “So what about you?”
He didn’t miss her quick swallow. “What about me?”
“Which of us would you want to come inside you here first?” Teasing her, he ran his fingertips down the crack of her ass. “Assuming you want that at all. But fantasies count.”
“Well, if I wanted that, hypothetically, I’d pick you. Only makes sense, since you’re more used to being in the…driver’s seat.”
“Driving the stick, you mean?”
“Right.”
Laughing again, he drew her closer. “Curious about me and Matt, hypothetical girl?”
“Yeah, guess I am. It’s just weird thinking of you two wanting each other. It’s beyond hot,” she added hastily. “But I haven’t totally wrapped my mind around it.”
“Not sure I have either,” Tristan said, resting his cheek on her hair. Her peaches-and-cream scent saturated his airspace, and he smiled, amazed at how little it took to settle his mind. Holding her, smelling her, loving her…he’d won the damn lottery, and that only accounted for half his heart. The other half belonged to the man currently burning up the slopes.
“But he still likes girls too. So maybe he’ll lose interest. Or you will.”
“I suppose it’s possible. There’s always a chance people’s feelings will change. But if you operate from that position, constantly expecting the worst, then that’s what you’ll get.” It took him a minute to realize she’d had hope in her voice. His own hardened. “Oh, and if you’re wondering if maybe we'll lose interest in you? Not happening. We both wanted you long before we admitted to wanting each other. You really think this weekend’s changed any of that?”
“You, better than anyone, know the struggles my family has faced. My mom and my sister have dealt with broken relationships and getting their hearts shattered and everything that comes with that. The financial difficulties, the instability. Now Val is having trouble, and I’m afraid she’s—”
“What?”
“I don’t know. Falling in with the wrong crowd. Getting too serious about boys when she should be focused on her goals. That’s what is important. Not setting herself up for heartbreak when she’s so young it might affect the rest of her life.”
“You’re giving her your example.”
“I was. Before.” She nibbled on her lower lip. “You know how close Val and I are. I’m determined she not fall into that trap. And now I’m mixed up in this. Whatever this is.”
“Did it ever occur to you,” he asked softly, “that the reason this happened is because you need twice as much love? That it will take that much to get you to love yourself.”
She looked away. “We just can’t agree on this.”
“Maybe not. But I’ll tell you this. I’d give anything to have Connie still around. I wouldn’t care if she flunked out of school or hooked up with the absolute worst possible guy for her,” he said quietly, watching the blush in her cheeks dim. Good. He’d try anything. “I wish to God I could be given that choice.”
“I’m sorry,” she said after a moment. “I must sound horrible to you.”
“You sound like you’re afraid that every
one else will judge you the way you’ve judged yourself all your life. Always holding yourself up to some invisible image of perfection and doing the so-called proper thing.”
She blew out a breath. “You know how small Eastlake is. Everybody knew my business. I was the only kid who didn’t have a dad to come to school functions. Then for a while, I had a new ‘dad’ for every one of them.” She sighed and pressed her lips against his chest, but he had a feeling she wasn’t even aware of doing it. “My life’s been spent trying to make good. To show I’m not just that pathetic kid people either looked down on or felt sorry for. That I matter. That I can do whatever I put my mind to.”
“And being in a committed relationship with two men who love you and you love back violates that somehow?” he asked, stroking her back.
She didn’t answer. Finally he tipped up her chin and stared directly into her eyes, ignoring the hard bump of his heart at how glossy the blue had become. Caity’s tears always tore holes in him. “If it hadn’t been for you, I wouldn’t have made it through losing Connie.” She started to argue, but he shook his head. “You know it’s true. She was everything to me. To my parents and Steve too. She fought so hard her entire life, and there was no reason for her to die. What was the point? As some sort of lesson to the rest of us? Then what was it? I didn’t get it. She was so innocent and sweet. But she died anyway. Then you came into my life and made me realize I wasn’t dead.”
“I didn’t do anything.”