“And I’m not a survivor? I’ve dealt with a hell of a lot, and I’m not dead yet.”
“Of course you are. But you take everything so much deeper than he does.”
“Did it maybe occur to you that you don’t know him as well as you think? That maybe his fascination with bondage isn’t the only side of him you’ve missed?”
Her eyes flashed. “Matt’s not up for discussion right now. You are. Stop stalling.”
He sucked in a deep breath and closed his eyes, resting his forehead against hers. “I promise,” he said finally, though he didn’t look at her when he said the words.
For the first time, he’d made a promise he didn’t know if he’d be able to keep.
Chapter 9
Matt heard them laughing and whispering when he finally returned to the cabin late that afternoon. It was nearing sunset, and he’d been gone all day. Skiing first, as he’d said in his note; then he’d gone back to the loft to gather Cait’s birthday gifts. Bringing them to the cabin had been Tris’s job, but he’d forgotten. The pain in the ass oversight had turned out to be a blessing in disguise since he had a surprise visitor waiting for him: his mother, suitcases in hand and wearing a bright smile because her vacation had started a week earlier than planned.
Wasn’t that awesome?
Well, yeah, of course it was. He was thrilled to see her. A couple of trips back and forth per year weren’t enough. But had she really had to pick this Christmas to do a sneak attack? He would have to cut their weekend o’sex at the cabin a day short, though he already felt bad making his mom stay alone at the loft tonight. He’d made up some nonsense story about him and Tristan treating Cait to a special weekend for her birthday, which wasn’t totally untrue, and left his mom with a stack of movies and a quick dinner he’d whipped up.
Guilt wasn’t an emotion he experienced often. If he had regrets, he did his best to correct what he could and move on. Brooding was something he left to Tristan most of the time.
Tonight wasn’t one of them.
He hated skipping out on his mom after she’d traveled all that distance to be with him. It was just one night, but still. That he’d left her to go play sex games with his roommates made his guilt even worse. Probably because he knew she’d never understand what the hell he was doing and why he couldn’t just do it with one partner, namely Cait, whom she loved like a daughter and would’ve been over the moon to see him end up with.
She just wouldn’t be thrilled about the guy who came with her.
Then there was issue number two. They’d already had very little time to convince Cait about the rightness of the three of them. Now they’d have a day less. Though from the sounds of things in the hot tub, Cait and Tristan were having a fine time without him.
Matt dumped Cait’s presents on the chair in the corner and headed into the bathroom as noiselessly as possible. Candlelight reflected off the polished wood floor and the black tile walls. Bubbles and water splashed over the sides of the hot tub as Cait eased through the froth to snuggle against Tristan’s chest. He cradled her in his arms, muscles flexing, and she whispered something as she rested her head on his shoulder.
God, they looked happy. Maybe they could be permanently if he wasn’t in the picture. After all, he’d been the last to meet both of them. They’d already been a unit by the time he’d been partnered with Tristan in one of his design classes freshman year of college, and he’d been sure they were a couple. Most people still thought that to this day when they first met them. The vibe they gave off definitely spoke of love, and this weekend had only amplified that.
His throat constricted, and the unexpected heat in his eyes made him turn his back. If you love them, do what’s best. Step away.
He was the problem, after all. Without Cait, he and Tris weren’t happy. Cait would never be part of a long-term threesome, and truthfully after seeing his mom tonight, he didn’t know if he could deal with it either. At least not publicly. He would never hurt his mom that way -- and she would be hurt, blaming herself for what she would see as his dysfunctional lifestyle. She wasn’t a cruel woman, but she was old-school. She’d never get this. Nor would she be pleased at the likelihood she would never have grandchildren.
Really, how the hell could they handle kids? True, it was far out. No reason to even touch on that now. But he had to be realistic. If he wanted to go the whole home-and-family route someday, how could that fit into this scenario?
Tristan could father a couple while he fathered the rest? Crazy. And the kids would have two daddies? How the hell would that work? Or would they lie to them and have them call one of them “daddy” and the other a “special family friend”?
With a grimace, he reached behind him to pull his T-shirt over his head. Maybe Cait was right. They were living a fantasy this weekend. And all fantasies had to end. This one’s curtain would come down tomorrow morning.
He’d almost decided to head back into the bedroom and bypass their tub hijinks altogether when Cait murmured, “Hey, you. We almost sent out a search party.”
Did you really care? Or was I an afterthought?
Pasting on a smile, he turned around and tossed his shirt on the floor. He removed the long-sleeved shirt he wore under his Anthrax T-shirt and stopped. For once he didn’t know what move to make next.
His cock said to get in the tub with them. It was built to hold four, and they’d have more than enough room to play. If he was honest, his heart wanted the same thing. It felt altogether too cold outside the circle the three of them made.
Which was just dumb. He wasn’t a romantic, and a blanket would warm him up as thoroughly as sharing their body heat. Maybe not as spectacularly, but he’d better start dealing with reality soon.
As good as he was at taking curveballs and making them work with his plans, he didn’t have a clue how to go forward from here. His blueprints weren’t worth shit anymore.
“Hey, man,” Tristan added, his voice roughened with desire. Not too surprising since he had their gorgeous little blonde practically supine in his arms. But when Matt’s gaze connected with his best friend’s, he could tell Tristan didn’t only desire Cait. “Wondered where you went.”
“Went skiing, just as the note said. And I went home for a bit.”