In my vision of how that moment would go if she were here, she smiles.
On the video monitor where she’s all alone, she doesn’t.
She slips on a pair of low heels the same muted pink as her top and checks the time before apparently deciding she has time for lunch before Arson gets there.
It should at least bore me watching her eat. I should be able to content myself that it’s unlikely she’ll do anything exciting in that short stretch of time. It should be easy not to watch.
It isn’t.
I don’t know why I can’t stop watching her, but when the smaller window in the top corner of my screen registers a bald, tattooed man at her door, tension gathers in my shoulders.
Maybe I wanted to watch and make sure everything went smoothly. Doesn’t make sense, though. I trust Arson—as much as anyone can trust a professional criminal, anyway—but I still find myself tense as she opens the door with a big warm smile to greet him.
Jealousy pinches me. Ridiculous fucking jealousy—she’s only greeting him so happily because she thinks she’s establishing some boundary against me and he’s there to help, but her smiles belong to me, goddammit, and I don’t want her giving any to him.
I guess it doesn’t help that Arson is a good-looking man that radiates danger, that he’s the kind of man women tend to find appealing, and sweet misguided Hallie thinks she’s allowed to go out on dates with men who aren’t me.
It’s adorable how she doesn’t realize she’s mine yet.
It would not be adorable if she found herself attracted to Arson, though, so I watch closely, making sure she shows no such signs.
Realistically, I know even if she were interested, it wouldn’t matter. Arson knows Hallie belongs to me so he won’t touch her, but I’ll feel uneasy until she knows that.
It’s impossible not to feel the stirrings of possessiveness as I watch her follow him through the apartment, offering him drinks like a polite host and more smiles that belong to me. Watching her with him reminds me so much of the first version of her that caught my eye, her in the red party dress with Jackson at her side.
Before I stole her happiness.
I’d like to give it back, but the stubborn brat won’t give me an opportunity.
I suppose it’s fair of her to feel that way, I just don’t care.
I want what I want, and I’ll have it at the end of the day. If she’s wise, she’ll give in before she makes me break everything around her.
I guess we’ll see.
Some of the tension in my shoulders eases when Arson finishes and leaves her apartment. I watch on the monitor as she examines her brand new door lock, trying the key she thinks I won’t have a copy of and making sure her home is secure.
So fucking cute. I can’t help smiling.
Especially because she looks so damn proud of herself once she closes the door and gives it one last look. I can see it in her carriage, in her puffed up chest. She’s so damn proud that she thwarted me, I have to curb the urge to buy her another present.
I won’t.
I’d like to, and I’m not accustomed to denying myself things I want, but I need to see how these next few days go without me. I want to see if, given the opportunity, she might miss me the way I already miss her.
___
I’m tempted to go to her apartment several times over the next week.
It’s a long time to be without her.
Rationally, I realize I’ve spent nearly every day of my life without her and that’s an absurd thing to think, but it’s how I feel all the same.
The idea skates across my mind once or twice that perhaps my bed wouldn’t feel so empty if I filled it with someone else, but the notion is profane. The other side of my bed belongs to Hallie now. Hers is the only naked body I want pressed against the silk sheets, the only flesh I want to caress and restrain as I fight to bury my cock inside her.
No, a poor substitute won’t do.
I have to have the real thing.
I palm my cock as it strains against the fabric of my slacks. I’ve only been home from work for a few minutes, but my first stop was my office where I have a larger computer monitor set up to watch her on. I’ve scarcely done a damn thing this week but watch Hallie. Watch her draw in her room, watch her routine with Marie, watch her hum while she does housework like a fucking Disney princess.
Currently, I’m watching her walk around her apartment in a towel with damp hair after a shower. I’m bingeing her life like most people binge shows on Netflix, and I’m particularly fond of this episode.