Of course, then she’ll see it all over my face….
It feels like there’s no good answer to that, and it stresses me out. I don’t want my relationship with Calvin to interfere with my relationship with Charity, but at the same time, there’s so much I can’t tell her. Even if I gave her a sanitized version of our relationship, I think she’d conflate it with abuse. Which isn’t exactly unfair, but if she picked up on that, she would flip the fuck out and make me get out of the relationship… which I obviously cannot do.
There’s too much I can’t explain.
My stomach is getting upset just thinking about it, so I try to push it out of my mind. I do one last round of notification clearing, update my social media with a picture of Marie napping on her blanket bed with a toy mouse tucked under her paw, and sign off for the night.
When I put my phone down on the cushion closer to Calvin, he closes his book and looks over at me. “Are you ready for bed?”
I nod and glance at the book. “Did you finish your chapter?”
“No, but I can finish it tomorrow during your phone time.”
He says that like it’s healthy and normal, but I cringe a little because it sounds batshit crazy. Also a little because who stops reading before the end of a chapter?
“See, when you say things like that, you sound like a crazy person, and I sound like a prisoner,” I say, turning on my butt so I can put my feet back on the floor.
Calvin is already standing, so he walks over and offers my hand like I need help getting up. I don’t, but I take it, anyway. He pulls me against him, then wraps his arms around my waist and leans in to kiss me. “Then let’s go to bed, and I’ll treat you like a girlfriend.”
Chapter Thirty Five
Hallie
Steam makes the glass door of the shower foggy, but I still notice when Calvin slips into the bathroom.
He knew I was showering. I had to work late tonight to get my current project finished on time, and I have to go in to work tomorrow. I’m not sure how it will go, if he’ll truly make me take Hollis. I want to go by myself and meet Charity for lunch, but I also can’t traipse through the city without my phone, and I don’t know how to bring that up.
I’ve been agonizing about it in the background since Charity and I texted the other night. In her texts since, the tone has changed a bit. She knows I’m spending time with Calvin, and she thinks that’s why I’m ignoring her.
I mean, it is, but not the way she thinks.
It’s all stressing me out, so I thought a nice, hot shower would chase my cares away.
Apparently, Calvin thought the same thing.
He’s naked when the door slides open, but not yet aroused. I just finished rinsing the shampoo out of my hair, so it’s dripping wet as I take a step back toward the wall.
“Can I help you with something?” I ask lightly.
Calvin steps forward, taking up more of my personal space than he has a right to.
Then he takes up more, pushing me back against the wall and caging me in with his arms.
Something must be wrong with me because my heart flips, but then I feel tension between my thighs. I look up at him, my teeth sinking into my bottom lip. I can feel vulnerability glinting in my eyes, and it must please him because his handsome mask of hardness softens just a bit and he caresses my face with his now-wet hand.
Hot spray beats down on his muscular back and then my hands as I reach around him. I know I need to hang on because he got in the shower with me for the first time the other day, and I definitely needed a safety bar to hold onto.
It’s such a coupley thing to do, showering together.
His hands move lower and cup my ass, then he lifts me like I weigh nothing at all.
My stomach drops at the feeling of my feet leaving solid ground. I’m quick to secure my legs around my waist even though I know he won’t drop me, but something feels off. Wrong. My head swims a bit and I glance at the shower head.
Is it too hot?
Nerves move through me. I plant a hand against Calvin’s chest and push him away gently. “Can you let me down?”
I’m not looking at him. I’m distracted by the odd feeling in my body, focusing on other things to make sure my vision doesn’t sway.
“Now,” I say more sharply.
Calvin lowers me carefully, frowning and looking me over with concern. “Are you all right?”
I shake my head. “I don’t know. I don’t feel right. I need to…” I place a hand on the wall to keep myself steady and open the shower door. I’m not done, I haven’t conditioned my hair yet, but I can’t shake the feeling that I’m going to pass out. I need to get out of this hot bathroom.