I fell silent as I studied him. “But now it makes sense?”
He huffed out a laugh. “It’s not like I have anything to compare it to, but yeah.”
Okay, duh, virgin in the gay department. I asked my next question carefully. “Have you ever watched gay porn?”
“Once.” He winced. “But I was too afraid my roommates would hear me.”
“Ah, thin walls, got it.”
“But I’ve watched plenty of gay TikTok, sort of dreaming about what it might be like to be intimate with a guy. If it feels as good as that kiss with you, then I have lots to look forward to.”
My cheeks heated, and I had to look away. Holy Christ, my chest was going to crack open if he got any more adorable. “You can’t say stuff like that, Donovan.”
His forehead creased. “Like what?”
I twirled my hand. “Swoony stuff. It messes with people’s brains.”
“Ah, I see.” He smirked. “I’ll have to remember that.”
“Can I ask you a question?” I wondered how I was even getting up the nerve, but it was something that had been on my mind since that overnight weekend.
“Go for it,” he said, but he looked a bit hesitant.
“That night at the hotel…I woke up alone. Was it because you freaked?”
He squeezed his eyes shut, seeming mortified.
“Shit, I’m sorry. You don’t have to answer, but if it makes you feel any better, we’ve all been there. Sorting out your sexuality is scary as hell sometimes.”
“Definitely. But also validating.” He sighed. “The honest truth is…I got really turned on sleeping next to you—like really turned on—and I didn’t want to make a fool of myself.”
Holy fuck. I could feel my cock rallying because what he’d just shared was hot as hell.
“Happens to the best of us,” I said, and reached out to tap his knee.
He captured my hand in his and squeezed as if to anchor himself. “Thanks. The strangest part is making the leap from knowing to doing. When something is just forming as an idea in your head, it’s one thing. Finally being with a guy you’re attracted to…is another.”
He didn’t pull away and neither did I, and I found that I liked how his fingers felt entwined with mine. Total danger zone.
“I completely understand.” I cleared my throat and turned toward him. “There was this guy in high school. Soccer team. Lots of innuendos and flirting, until we kissed one night and groped each other’s dicks.”
Donovan shifted, a flush crawling over his cheeks, and I could see the bulge forming in his pants. I forced my gaze away and finished my confession.
“But then he freaked and was a shit to me afterward. Would call me queer with his jock friends, and I felt completely humiliated.” I huffed out a breath. “Point being, I’ve got some hang-ups of my own.”
“What an asshole.” He squeezed my hand again, which I’d momentarily forgotten he was still holding. It was comforting. “I’d never—”
“Not intentionally,” I replied, and he frowned. “Listen, figuring stuff out needs to be on your own timeline. There’ll be some steps forward and, inevitably, some back, and I’ll always be here if you need support.” This was where I needed to set some boundaries, so I carefully drew my hand from his and reached for my water. “Besides, my dad is your coach and—”
“He told you to stay away from the players?”
“He warned me never to play favorites, and if he saw us now, he’d be super disappointed in me.” My stomach tightened. “Probably angry too, and I don’t want to mess anything up because he gave me this opportunity with the team.”
“Okay, I get it,” he replied in a glum voice. After another beat of silence, he bumped our knees together. “But hey, we’re only hanging out, watching a movie. It’s not like I’m asking you to marry me.”
“Not yet, but soon enough you’ll be falling in love with me, and we can’t have that,” I teased. “I know how irresistible I am.”
His eyes softened. “You definitely are.”
“Well, so are you, so stop with the swoony stuff, and let’s just work on being friends.”
He knocked my shoulder. “I thought you couldn’t be my friend.”
“True, I really can’t.” I sighed because it sucked. I could almost feel Dad’s regret now about hiring me. “But when you bring me my favorite ice cream, it’s sort of hard to resist you.”
“Noted,” he replied in this throaty voice that made me shiver.
Boundaries firmly in place, we watched and talked and laughed throughout the next movie, which really defeated the whole purpose of being there, but it was fun, and I didn’t regret asking him here for anything.
There was this one moment during an emotional scene in Field of Dreams when he casually reached for my fingers again and kept them on his knee, maybe thinking it would be his last chance after our heart-to-heart. When he glanced at me with misty eyes, I thought he might lean over and kiss me, and I probably would’ve let him.