Kiss and Cry

I sang along, and from the corner of my eye I could see Henry’s death grip on the wheel relax. After a minute, he tapped a finger.

“You listen to this to pump you up for practice, right?” I didn’t wait for an answer, but he nodded. “Em and I would do the same thing.” I looked out at the housing developments, the rows and rows of narrow lots crammed in together. “I miss her. What do you guys do for fun around here? Are you dating anyone?”

As soon as I asked the question, I realized it was hard to imagine Henry in a relationship. Given how tightly wound he was, he’d be a nightmare.

He didn’t say anything, so I looked at him and waited more. Then I asked, “Is there a special girl? Or person?” He still didn’t answer, and my curiosity only grew stronger. I went with my gut and added, “Or maybe you’re into guys? That’s what I heard.”

That got a sharp glance as he went rigid. “What did you hear?” he demanded.

Whoa. Why was he freaking out? “Weeeell…” I tapped my chin thoughtfully, trying to come up with the best joke, but suddenly it didn’t seem funny.

Adam’s apple bobbing, Henry watched me with his hands clenched on the steering wheel, his eyes flicking between me and the road. I wasn’t sure if he was angry or…scared? I couldn’t understand his reaction, but I knew I didn’t like how it made me feel.

I smiled reassuringly. “Hey, it’s okay. I’m just joking. I didn’t hear anything.” Everyone in skating knew he was gay. What was the big deal? What rumor was he afraid of?

Lips parting, he took a shuddery breath. I reached out, but he jerked so hard I was afraid he’d veer into oncoming traffic.

“Why are you so freaked?”

Naturally, he said nothing, his eyes locked on the road now. At least we were staying in our lane.

“Is it…” I tried to think of the right thing to say since obviously this was a touchy subject. Maybe everything was a touchy subject with Henry. Was he afraid of being outed publicly? “You know I’m gay, right? It’s okay if you are too. Or if you aren’t. Like, whatever you are is okay.”

He seemed to consider this. Finally, he asked, “You haven’t heard anyone gossiping about me?”

“No. People don’t really talk about you.” Well, not about his sexuality, at least. He was so uptight that most people joked about how he was a robot or alien. “But I thought you were cool with being queer? If you are? My finely tuned gaydar says yes, but I might be wrong. It’s happened once or twice.” I shrugged carelessly, but the curiosity was killing me.

Henry’s tense silence was a little freaky. When I was about to make another joke, he said, “I am. It’s not a secret, but I don’t…” His gaze flicked to me as he stopped for a light, then dropped. I wasn’t sure how that little movement could be so sad. “I don’t have time for anything but training.”

I was weirdly pleased that he’d told me. “Yeah, I hear you. I’m not seeing anyone either.” I wanted to pat his arm or something, but he might freak out again. “I really didn’t hear any rumors about you. I swear.”

The song was still playing, and it filled the silence as he stopped for a red light. I jiggled my foot, more questions burning on my tongue. Now that I thought about it, hadn’t he gotten a boner looking at me in the shower when we were still juniors? I vaguely recalled him avoiding me like the plague afterward even though it happened to the best of us.

I couldn’t hold it in. “So, you just hook up? Definitely hard to find time for an actual relationship with training. Which app’s the best around here? I need to get laid.”

He stared straight ahead, knuckles pale on the steering wheel again, cheeks flushed pink.

“Oh, come on! We all have needs. Or are you ace? Not that ace people don’t have needs. But maybe you’re not into sex with other people, which is totally cool, obviously.”

“Please stop talking.”

“It’s not like I asked you about your fave rimming technique. Seriously, it’s okay if you’re not into sex. My sister Veronica identifies as gray ace.”

“I’m not asexual. Stop.” He turned up the music.

Honestly, it was adorable. So easily scandalized! Okay, so he wasn’t ace. But for someone always so cool and in control, his reaction fascinated me. Was he super repressed in bed? Did he even make noise?

Was he a virgin?

As we headed into the arena, I imagined him being blown. Did he moan, or was that not allowed? He walked ahead of me, and I watched his firm ass in his tight black pants. If I licked him open, could I get him to let go and be loud?