I forced a breath, trying not to think about what happened before. I knew I should have been over it by now. That most people would be able to move on after years. Had it really even been that bad?
I squeezed my eyes shut against the flashes of memory. I hated myself for being so gullible then, and now the doubt crept in. Did Theo really want me?
“You can tell me anything. I won’t judge, I swear.” He brushed back my hair, his face pinched in concern. “Did something…happen?”
“No.” That was the one thing I’d never talk about. The one thing I never wanted Theo to learn. The idea of him knowing made acrid bile rise in my throat. I couldn’t bear it. That humiliation should have been mine alone.
“It’s okay if you don’t want to tell me.”
“I don’t want to tell you.” The words were barely a whisper. I inhaled and exhaled, feeling like a fist in my chest was relaxing. “I want to be here with you. Now.”
“Okay.” He nodded. “We’re here. Just us. No one else. All elephants not even in the corner. Those bitches are outside in the snow. Sorry, elephants.”
I let myself smile, and Theo bent to kiss me gently before straightening again. Then he leaned low and kissed me again as if he couldn’t help himself, and I opened my mouth eagerly.
After we kissed and kissed, rubbing against each other until I was close to coming, I pulled free and asked, “What do you like to do?” I had to make sure he got what he needed.
He grinned. “What don’t I like to do? Whatever you want.”
I didn’t smile, and I stopped him with a hand on his chest before he could lean down and kiss me again. Hair tickled my palm. “Tell me.”
“Well… Earlier at the rink? I was thinking about how much I want you to fuck me.” As my breath caught, he reached down to run his fingertips over my shaft. “If you’re into it, I’d really love to have your cock inside me.”
The thought of burying myself in Theo’s body was almost too much. I didn’t know whether to come at the idea or run away. I had to admit, “I’ve only done it the other way.”
Something passed over his face—more concern?—but he nodded. “Okay. If you want me inside you, I’m game.”
Part of me did, but it was too soon. Of course we shouldn’t have even been doing this at all. What were we thinking? How had I gone from hating Theodore Sullivan to being naked in bed with him?
“Hey. No elephants allowed.” Theo pointed to the window next to us. “Out in the snow.”
I nodded. “Let’s… If you want me to… I want to.”
“Yeah?” He waggled his eyebrows. “Do you want to fuck me with your huge cock?”
I frowned. “Yes, but I’d say it’s average-sized.”
“Oh my God, only you would be pedantic about dirty talk!” He wriggled backward, nosing at the neat thatch of hair at my groin. “Do you like that word? Showed up in the easy crossword the other day.” He licked a stripe up the back of my shaft. “And you have a perfect cock. It’s going to feel amazing inside me. I’ve been dreaming about it.”
“Really?” Excitement rippled through me.
“Hell, yeah. Now don’t move a muscle.” He clambered off the bed and was back near the front door in a heartbeat. “Sorry, sweet girl, you need to find a new perch.”
I squinted across the condo, chuckling at the fact that Esmeralda had taken up residence on Theo’s duffel bag, stretched out on it like a queen. She jumped off and disappeared into the bathroom, so I asked Theo to close the door after her. I knew she wouldn’t like it, but the thought of her watching us made me nervous.
Which was silly, since there were far more important things to be nervous about. Theo returned with a small bottle of lube and an accordion strip of foil-wrapped condoms.
He said in a rush, “I packed these because I was being optimistic. Not because I’m having sex with anyone else. I’m not. I only want to have sex with you. If you still want to?”
“Yes.” The care he took with all of this—with me—made my insides go soft. I’d once thought him so careless, but I hadn’t known him at all.
“What?” His forehead creased as he unscrewed the bottle.
I pulled him down for a kiss, not able to find the right words. He sighed and moaned into my mouth, and I didn’t know how I’d resisted kissing him for so long.
He knelt between my legs, leaning down to nuzzle my balls. “If I didn’t want your cock so bad—” He lifted his head. “So badly, I should say, I’d eat your ass until you begged for mercy.”