Married to My Best Friend

“Mama B is already crying. She keeps telling me she can’t believe her baby is getting married and— Hey, what’s wrong?”

“I didn’t even look at you. How do you know something’s wrong?”

“Because you’re chewing your nails, and you only do that when you’re freaking out about something.”

Well, shit. Sometimes it sucked having someone who knew you so well. “Nothing’s wrong.”

“Why are you a lying liar who lies? You said, How do you know something’s wrong? Not, What makes you think something’s wrong?”

“What the fuck, Caden? Stop being so…good.”

I was looking at him now, just in time to see the cocky grin tug at his lips.

“I can’t help being good. It comes naturally. Seriously, man. What’s up?” He closed the door and walked over to me.

“I don’t know. Nothing. I just… Why aren’t I more excited?”

“Because you’re marrying Jackass? Seriously, he’s so boring.”

“Caden.”

He held up his hands in surrender. “I’m sorry! I was trying to make you laugh. I’m sure you’re just stressed. You haven’t had much time to feel anything. It’s probably like those people who love Christmas and look forward to it for weeks. Then the day comes, and they, I don’t know, crash or something.”

What he said made sense, but… I felt wrong. This didn’t feel right. If I was supposed to marry Jack, wouldn’t it feel right? “I guess…”

“What do you mean, you guess? This is me. I’m always right.” When I didn’t look at him, Caden hooked his thumb under my chin and tilted my head toward him. “Alex…you’ve been waiting for this your whole life. You’re the smartest, most put-together person I know. Even when I don’t understand why or how, you always do the right thing, you always know the right thing. You wouldn’t have said yes when Jack asked you to marry him if you didn’t want to. You’re just getting cold feet.”

“Yeah?” I asked, believing it simply because he said it. Caden could talk me into nearly anything without even trying. And his words were almost strong enough to drown out the voice in my head, the one that whispered, You don’t love Jack…not the way you love Caden.

But Caden wasn’t in love with me. He was standing there talking me into marrying someone he didn’t even like all that much. Sure, it was because he thought it was best for me and what I really wanted, but still.

“You deserve to have your dreams come true, A. You deserve to be happy. You deserve your knight in shining…sweater vest? When the two of you are married, you really need to work on his style with him.”

I laughed when just seconds before I thought I was going to puke or run away. That was the power Caden had over me. “I will.”

“Perfect. I might like him more then.” He sobered. “You good?”

I don’t know. I’m not fucking sure at all. “Yeah, I’m good.”

Before either of us could respond, the door opened again. “Hey, Alex? I—oh,” Jack said when he saw us standing there. Caden dropped his hands away from me as if he’d been doing something wrong. “Am I interrupting?”

“Nah,” Caden said, “I was just seeing if he needed anything. I’ll leave you guys to it.”

Caden didn’t make eye contact with me as he headed for the door, slipped out, and closed it behind him, and I suddenly felt very alone, something I shouldn’t be experiencing in the room with the guy I would be marrying soon.

“Six months today since we met,” Jack said.

“Yeah, crazy, huh? And now we’re…getting married.” Six months? I met this guy six months ago to the day, and I was marrying him? What the hell was wrong with me? Sometimes my allergies season lasted longer than I’d known him.

“Caden seems sad,” Jack said, surprising me.

“He does?” I frowned. I knew something was up with him, but he’d seemed okay just now.

“I could tell earlier…and when he doesn’t think anyone’s looking.”

“It’s because it’s always been us. He thinks things are going to change, but I told him they wouldn’t.”

“Shouldn’t they, though? I’m not trying to be an asshole, but if we’re getting married, shouldn’t they change some? I always thought… I guess I always thought the guy I married would be my best friend, and I his.”

My heart dropped, my stomach twisting uncomfortably. “We’re good friends.”

Good. Not best. Did that matter? Maybe to some it didn’t, but…but I wanted to marry my best friend. Not just because it was Caden either. I wanted my husband to be my everything.

Jack tucked a lock of hair behind his ear, shifted his weight from one foot to the other. “I, um…I don’t think I can do this, Alex.”

“Do what?” I asked, which might go down as one of the dumbest questions in the history of the world.

“Marry you…and I get that it’s pretty fucking late for me to bring this up. We’re supposed to say I do in an hour and a half. I thought…I thought this was what I wanted. I like you, a lot, but…I don’t think I love you. I don’t know why it hit me here, this weekend, but I think if you’re honest, you’ll admit the same thing. You don’t love me. You love him.”