“You’re not?”
“No.”
“You’re going to force me to stay here?
“I’m going to force you to listen to me while I tell you what I didn’t say last time. I don’t want you to leave. I don’t want you to disappear and keep living like you have. I want you to stay here where I can help you stop believing you’re not good enough to settle down somewhere. I want you to stop telling yourself that you don’t deserve a home or that if you stay in one place, you’ll alienate everyone. I want you to stop fucking selling yourself short. And if you can’t do that here with me and Beau and everyone else who’s willing to help you. Fine. Go do it somewhere else, but don’t keep telling yourself these lies.”
My mouth hung open as I stared at him. “How did you… I never…”
“You didn’t need to tell me any of that. You told me what life had been like for you. You told me you didn’t want to stay here because you weren’t good enough for me.”
“I didn’t say—”
“You meant it. It doesn’t matter what words you used. The point is you think you’re so unconstrained. You think you can do whatever you want, and you’re not tied to anything, but really, you’re holding yourself back from so much. Running from everything has you more constrained than… than you would be with me.”
“Leland, I… You really want me to stay?”
“I want you to stay if you’re willing to admit there’s something more between us than a one-night stand.”
“That was never… I mean, it wasn’t…”
“So you were intending that to be the start of a relationship?”
“I wanted to thank you, and I wanted… I wanted you, not just fucking but actually you.”
“And you thought walking away afterward was the way to get that?”
“No, I thought it was what I had to do. I thought… I thought all that shit you just said, but I’m not sure I can change.”
“Would you let me help you, and…” He bit his lip and looked away.
“And what?” I cupped his face and tilted his head so he had to look at me. “Tell me. Please tell me.” Did he have any idea how rarely I used the word please? I’d learned not to bother asking because it was easier just to take, but with him I’d do anything to find out he really did care about me.
“Would you let me love you?”
His voice was soft, and tears shimmered in his eyes. I dropped to my knees in front of him and set my hands on his waist. “I would be honored if you loved me even a little bit. I fell so hard and so fast for you, and I know you’ll think it’s stupid, but that really is why I left. I care so much for you, and I don’t think you deserve to be stuck with someone like me.
“Some of the shit you tell yourself is so dumb.”
I couldn’t help but laugh at his words.
“You have this idea of yourself that’s just…” He huffed. “Not right at all. I know we hardly know each other but—”
I shook my head. “You’re wrong. My mom used to say that sometimes two souls come together and just know everything because they were meant to be. I know it sounds so—”
“No, it’s beautiful.” He lowered his lips to mine, brushing them softly. “I love you, and I do feel like I’ve known you for a long time, but I want to know you better.”
“I love you too. I want to stay, and I want to be part of your life.”
I stood and kissed him, lifting him off the ground so I could spin him around, not caring how much it hurt my arm.
He laughed against my lips, and I set him back down so I could kiss him as thoroughly and deeply as I wanted to, letting him know he was mine and I was there to stay.
* * *