“It’s not,” he says, reaching out and pressing the L button.
“My wife loves me,” Manning leans into me and whispers loudly, and I can’t help but laugh. Cooper and his wife, Erika, were best friends for years before they got together.
“I can tell you without a doubt,” I say, looking at Manning, “that Erika loves this buffoon more than she should.” I point at him with my thumb. “Sickleningly so. To the point she fawns all over him.” I make fake vomit noises. “At Christmas, we found them making out in the laundry room.”
“Don’t be jealous that you don’t have anyone to kiss.” Cooper pushes my shoulder, and I don’t have time to answer him when the door opens, and we step out into the lobby. The bus is there waiting for us, and I look around to see if I spot anywhere to have coffee.
“How is there no coffee stand?” I ask, looking around, and Nico comes out of the elevator holding a coffee in his hand.
“If you tell me your wife sent you that…” I point at the coffee, and he just laughs.
“No, it’s called Uber Eats,” he says, standing next to me. “You should try it.”
Shaking my head, I walk out of the lobby, and the bone-chilling cold hits me right away. So cold the snow crunches under your boots, and breathing in makes your nostrils freeze. “How the fuck does Dylan live like this?” I say, getting on the bus and sitting down.
“You get used to it,” Cooper says, sitting down next to me. “Or like he says, your blood gets thicker.”
“His head is getting thicker if he thinks anyone can get used to that fucking cold out there,” I grumble, putting my hands together and blowing heat on them. The bus fills with cold air as everyone loads on. “It’s minus thirty-three outside. How do you even leave the house?” I ask Cooper, who just shrugs.
Once the bus is loaded, we take off and can’t even see outside with the amount of ice on the window. “I can’t wait to get home,” Cooper says from beside me, and I look over at him. “I also hope not to see your ugly mug for a couple of days.”
I burst out laughing. “You were the one coming to my room,” I point out. “What are you doing? You sounded like a lost puppy.”
He shakes his head. “I was looking out for you.” The phone pings in his hand, and he smiles. “Look at him,” he says, turning the phone for me to see his son with a gummy smile. “I can’t believe he’s five months already.”
“Good thing he looks like Erika,” I say, joking with him, and he pushes my shoulder.
“He looks just like us,” he says, and the bus comes to a stop.
“I think he looks just like himself,” I reply.
Cooper shrugs his shoulders. “You’ll see when you have yours how different it will be.” He walks out to the plane, and I follow him, not saying anything.
I walk up the silver stairs to the plane. “I swear I think my eyeballs are frozen,” Ralph, my teammate, says from the other side of the plane when he throws his backpack in the empty seat by the window.
“My balls crawled back up into my scrotum,” Miller, my other teammate, gripes as he walks by me. “Where do I send my complaints?” He holds up his hand as Nico walks onto the plane and looks at him. His cashmere jacket is buttoned up with his Burberry scarf as he puts his leather backpack on the seat and then takes off his gloves. “I would like to file a complaint.”
Nico laughs at him. “I can’t wait to hear it,” he says, taking off his jacket and putting it over his chair.
“Coffee,” he says, holding up his finger. “We have to have coffee.”
We all laugh at him. “I’ll make a mental note and tell my people.” He shakes his head and sits down in his chair. “Now, get your ass in your chair, so I can go home to my wife and kids.”
Miller shakes his head and sits down as I put my head back as the plane takes off. The flight takes thirty minutes, and everyone is excited to be home.
When the plane lands, there are a few of them who clap, I get up, throwing my jacket over my arm as I walk out of the plane and the sun hits me right away. I take my phone out and snap a picture. “Who is that for?” Cooper asks me as we walk to our cars.
“Dylan, to show him what it’s like not to have white shit all around me,” I say, looking down at my phone and sending Dylan the picture with the following text.
Me: Someone’s balls just melted.