“You were?” I ask, pushing myself up in the bed, then giving up and falling back down.
“I was. We didn’t get to enjoy the room service since we brought 18 desserts last night. I ordered last night’s plan for today, if you’re up for it.”
Bet he didn’t think he signed up for nursing his baby mama through heartache. Poor guy. Sin is fucking someone else, so what the hell? I should, too.
Throwing back the blankets, I sit up. “Sure, let’s do this.”
I don’t know what we’re doing, but I don’t really care. After the emotional toll last night took on me, I am pretty numb today. If I think about anything too hard, I’ll probably cry, so I’ll let myself get swept up in whatever Rafe has planned.
Turns out, Rafe has pretty sweet plans. He takes my hand and leads me into the bathroom. He ran a bubble bath. In the corner by the window, an open champagne bottle chills in a bucket of ice with a towel thrown over it and two champagne glasses stand on either side of it.
“Are you forgetting something?” I ask, placing a hand on my tummy.
“I am not,” he states, leaning forward and reaching into the bucket of ice. Obscured from view by the towel is a bottle of water. He puts it back down and indicates one of the glasses, which I’m now realizing is clear instead of champagne-colored. “This one is yours.”
I grin at him. “You think of everything, don’t you?”
“I hope you’re not sick of dessert yet.”
I turn my attention to the plate of strawberries and the chocolate mousse-looking dish next to it. “I am never sick of dessert.”
Stepping behind me, Rafe grabs the zipper on the back of my dress and draws it down. I swallow down my reluctance and tug down the ¾ sleeves, pulling on the dress until it falls to the floor. I’m wearing a burgundy bra and panty set underneath since that’s what Rafe laid out for me the night before, and he’s still wearing only pajama pants. Sadness overwhelms the numbness as I recall Sin standing behind me, taking my dress off me. I don’t want to be in this hotel room being undressed by Rafe, I want to be in Sin’s bedroom, letting him take off my clothes.
Only he probably already took someone else’s clothes off in my place just last night. Sure, it was only a first date, but he wasn’t just using her to play games with Rafe. He probably doesn’t take so long to fuck someone he’s dating for fun. It’s hard for me to imagine that damn waitress making it to the end of a date and not wanting to go home with him. By the time he got her back to his place, he probably had her begging. When they got inside, he probably made her kneel for him.
My heart hurts. I eye the champagne I can’t drink, the food I don’t want, then turn around and look at the only mind-altering substance in the room I can have: Rafe.
“Get your head out of the clouds and focus on what you can have. It’s not me. It’s never been me. Nothing has changed.”
Looping an arm around Rafe’s neck, I take him by complete surprise by
rising up on my tiptoes and kissing him. His big hand comes to rest on my waist and he tugs me close, then cradles the back of my head in his palm and pulls me in for a deeper kiss.
It’s a relief how easy it is to get drawn into him. My feelings may not be where they once were, but the man is skilled. He knows just how to kiss you to make your knees weak, just how to touch you to make you feel loved, even if you aren’t. I know from our talk last night he’s no more sure than I am that this is going anywhere, but as his hand drifts from my waist down to my ass, as he squeezes and yanks me against him, there is no hesitance, no uncertainty. That’s what I need, Rafe to take control. I gave my power to someone else, and he didn’t take care of it. If I ever give it away again, it needs to be to someone who will.
I’m not sure that’s Rafe, but I’m not sure it isn’t, either. Just because the road has been rough doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a dead-end. Maybe we’re going through all the hard stuff first. Maybe I’ll fall for him in the wrong order, after seeing how well he pulls me through the heartbreak Sin dealt me.
Regardless, it can’t make things worse. Things are about as bad as they can be. Even Sin told me to sleep with Rafe, so I’m saying no for no reason. If I end up going back to Chicago, it’s not like I’ll regret sleeping with Rafe here. I’ve done it before. It will be fine. I’m making too much of it.
When he breaks the kiss and pulls back, I offer a smile and reach back to unhook my bra. “Let’s get in this bath while it’s still hot.”
My heart beats wildly now that the invitation is out there. I turn away from him to take off the last couple items of clothing, looking out at the strip while I step out of my panties. For a surreal moment, it hits me that the man undressing behind me has power over this whole city, but he’s waiting for me. Maybe not patiently, but he is waiting. He doesn’t have to. Women who would love to slide into bed with him are crawling all over this city, and while he has frustrated me with them, I don’t think he’s actually had sex with any of them since I came to town. It’s not like we were committed to each other, so if he had, he wouldn’t have been wrong.
His arms slide around my waist from behind and he bends to kiss my neck. I close my eyes, tilting my head in the opposite direction to give him an unobstructed path. While he kisses my neck, one of his big hands comes around to caress my breast, setting my nerve endings off and making them go wild. The guilt that follows is worrisome, but I ignore it. I have no reason to feel guilty. Sin’s face pops up in my head—the worst possible memory of his face: the evening I came back from the marathon “date” with Rafe. His head hanging, the look on his face, the sadness I swore I felt. Surely fucking Rafe would bring more sadness than that.
Dammit, I don’t belong to Sin.
Yes you do.
My brain is my enemy, and I ignore it, bringing my hand up to caress Rafe’s as it squeezes my breast. Fuck you, brain. Fuck you, Sin. Nobody owns my ass. I’m as free as a fucking bird, and I’ll do what I want.
Struck by rebelliousness, I turn around and loop my arm around Rafe’s neck again, pulling myself up to kiss him. His hands slide under my ass and he lifts me. I secure my legs go around his waist and crush my breasts against his chest.
God, he is sexy. I’ve been ignoring it, but right now, that’s impossible. He’s bare ass naked, his hands cupping my ass. He walks forward, pressing me against the floor-to-ceiling glass window.
I gasp, hanging onto him tighter and pull back. “The window is a bad idea. A wall I could accept, but my luck this is a weak window. I don’t want to plummet naked to my death.”
“Plummeting to your death is only acceptable if you’re fully dressed?”