“I’m not trying to manipulate anyone,” I assure him. “I could tell she was distressed, and I thought doing me a small favor would make her feel better about not being able to do the bigger one. I’m not scheming. You can all relax. Rafe is persecuting an innocent, not an adversary.”
He doesn’t comment further, just levels me a look unfriendly enough to remind me he has no qualms about killing me, in case I forgot.
A few minutes later, Mia comes back with two bottles of water. She uncaps mine for me and hands it to me, then uncaps her own and takes a sip. We sit in a companionable silence for a couple minutes, then I hold out my water, since I don’t want to startle Adrian by reaching across the bed. Mia takes it, caps it, and puts it on the end table beside Rafe’s bed.
“Do you love him?” she asks me.
“Rafe? Yes.”
“Why did you hold onto evidence that might hurt him?”
“It wouldn’t—” I sigh, leaning back against the headboard. “I did that a lifetime ago. I didn’t do anything with it. If I wanted to take down Rafe and his family, I would have done it already. I may not have destroyed it like I should have, but that’s—I’m not perfect. I made a mistake. I’m a procrastinator. I’m not always the most decisive person in theory, I talk myself in circles in my head so it’s hard to commit to a decision when it’s still hypothetical, but when I have to act, I do. When I’m pushed, when I can’t delay anymore, I make the right choice. I would have never betrayed Rafe. He just… he wouldn’t trust me. Even before this. He never will now,” I finish quietly.
Curling her legs up on the bed behind her, she says, “Why don’t you tell me about him? Show me Rafe through your eyes. Tell me about your relationship.”
I don’t know what good that will do her, but it’s what I was doing before she came in anyway, so I get back to reliving the best of times—only this time, with a rapt audience.
34
Rafe
My glass is empty.
I grab the bottle like I’m angry at it and tip it, watching the rich liquid slosh into my glass. I wish I could pour it straight into my veins. I need to be epic levels of fucked up, and this is taking too damn long.
I put the bottle down and drag the glass closer.
Mateo is still holding his cup in his hand. Arching a dark eyebrow at me, he asks, “Not going to warm it up first?”
I inhale it, which is answer enough, but I slam the cup down and grab the bottle again. “Nope.”
Shaking his head, Mateo says, “Shouldn’t have let you open that bottle. You’re wasting it.”
“It’s mine to waste,” I point out, dumping some more amber liquid into my glass. “Don’t tell me you never wasted good alcohol after Beth.”
“I’ve wasted plenty of good alcohol in my time,” he admits. “Of course, I had Adrian around. Sometimes he’d switch decanters on me to save me from myself,” he says
wryly.
“Good ol’ Adrian,” I mutter, staring at the amber liquid in my glass.
Mateo watches me for a moment, then tells me, “Sometimes you miss what’s right in front of you, Rafe. I’ve overlooked enemies in my circle before, too. That’s why you surround yourself with the right people. Everybody misses something, but nobody misses everything. Enough vigilant eyes around, you’ll catch the important stuff.”
“I think I hate this job,” I tell him, shaking my head at the irony of it. I killed to have it, to prove a point, and now that I’ve made it, I have less of what actually matters in life than I had before. “This is a shitty fucking way to live. How do you trust anyone? How do you live your whole life seeing enemies everywhere you look?”
“That’s all I’ve ever known,” he says, shrugging, glancing down at the gleaming surface of my desk. “That’s the job, Rafe. You’ll settle into it and find your stride; you’ve just had a steep learning curve. Surround yourself with the right people and remain vigilant. Every corner of your life doesn’t have to be that way. Find yourself a good woman you can trust, someone who loves you and provides you with an escape from the ugliness of this life. You won’t have as many friends now that you’re at the top, so choose those closest to you very carefully. They say it’s lonely at the top for a reason. It is. You’ll have to get used to it.”
“I trusted her. I trusted Virginia. I thought…” I shake my head, trailing off. She was my escape. She was my pocket of happy normalcy, the consistent one I could count on when everyone else in my life was questionable.
I don’t want to do this, that’s the problem. I know what I have to do. I know the score. She’s not just a witness, she’s a fucking super witness. Killing her is the only responsible thing to do. It’s the hard decision a boss has to make, to consider what’s best for his family, even if fucking hurts like hell.
Why did she have to lie to me? Why did she have to keep the fucking evidence? Why can’t she just be a simple fucking waitress?
“I’m done with women,” I decide, grabbing my glass and emptying that one, too. “Can’t trust ‘em,” I mutter. “Can’t trust anybody.”
Smiling with dry amusement, Mateo says, “The day you’re done with women is the day I’m done pissing people off. I’ll believe it when I see it.”
Speaking of women, there’s a light knock and the door and his scampers inside. She’s wearing a white sundress with bright orange flowers on it and heels that probably cost upwards of a thousand dollars. Her blond hair is pinned back on the sides, and her blue eyes go straight to her husband. A faint smile crosses her lips, like an instinct; she’s just so fucking happy to see him, she can’t help smiling.