“She’s not really my mom anymore,” Cassidy says, spearing a piece of chicken with her fork and looking up at me with Derek’s big blue eyes. “If she wanted to be my mom, she’d be here.”
I want to sink into the floor. I feel so badly for her—while also being so glad Kayla isn’t here on a different, selfish level—and a little guilty for my own feelings of relief. I have no wisdom on this matter to offer any child, but least of all Derek’s. I wish I did, but I don’t.
Derek finally chimes in. “You know what, though? We get to make our own family. You know how your friend Tara from school got a new dad when her mom got married? If we want to do that, we can.”
“I can get a new mom?” she asks cheerfully.
“Yep,” he tells her. “If people leave our lives, that doesn’t mean no one else can ever fill their spot. Kayla wasn’t ready to be a mom, but that didn’t have anything to do with you. It was me she wanted to get away from, she just didn’t think she would do a good job raising you without me. Plus, think how sad I’d be if you weren’t around all the time to keep me company.”
Cassidy smiles, clearly not as worried about this conversation as we are. “I’ll always keep you company, Daddy.”
“Your mom knew I could take better care of you than she could, and when you have a baby, you have to think about what they need most, not what you want. Everything changes,” he further explains.
I try not to let that rub me the wrong way. I know he’s talking about Kayla, not us, but that philosophy of his is exactly the reason he let me go all those years ago. That he maintains it even now causes a little twinge of nerves. Just a pinch of insecurity before I remind myself this is why I’m only a booty call. I’m not going to live my life wondering what would happen if Kayla came back, wondering if he would toss me again so he could “do the right thing.”
It’s frustrating, because he cares so little about doing the “right” thing in so many other ways. It’s only when it comes to parenthood that he becomes immovable.
Fucking Mike.
I guess I can’t be mad that Derek resolves to be a great dad even if he doesn’t care about being a great man, but damn, it makes him impossible to have a relationship with.
Cassidy draws me right out of my thoughts when she suggests not just a relationship, but a commitment and a half. “You and Nikki should be married, then she can be my mom and I can have a baby sister. I already picked out her name.”
I tilt my head back and shoot Derek a dry look. “How much did this one cost you?”
“I didn’t do anything,” he states. “All her idea.”
“If your daddy gets married, I’m sure you will get a new mother figure,” I tell Cassidy.
“You wanna do it?” she asks.
Jesus Christ, seriously? Mom guilt weighs down on me, and I’m not even a mother. How am I supposed to tell this motherless child of the man I’ve carried a torch for these past six years that I can’t be her stand-in mom because I’m terrified of committing to her profoundly unreliable father?
In an unexpected move, Derek saves me. “Hey, Cassie, can you run in and grab me a napkin? I’m making a mess over here.”
Without objection, she hops up and darts into the kitchen for a napkin.
I immediately turn to Derek. “This is your fault.”
Already braced for my accusation, he shakes his head. “It is not my fault. But we’ve both proposed to you now, so you should really just say yes and settle into your new life.”
“You did not propose, you tried to trick me into thinking I married you six years ago.”
He cocks an eyebrow. “Want me to? I can’t get down on one knee right now, but I’ll improvise.”
“Only if you want to be murdered. Cassidy already has ideas. This is why I should not be hanging out with you around her, Derek. It’s not a joke. She’s going to get attached.”
I’m going to get attached. I know that’s fear talking, but it’s also the truth.
“I think we’re going to be long-term booty calls,” he tells me. “It’s okay if she gets attached.”
“Derek…”
Before I can further explain why it isn’t, Cassidy comes back with his napkin. Thankfully, when she sits back down, she starts telling us about how she hypnotized Princess Purple into thinking he was a regular horse instead of a unicorn, and the mommy proposal seems to be all but forgotten—at least by one of us.
Chapter Twenty Two
“That cover is not good.”