After You (Because of You 2)

Consequently, by the time Cassidy is cooled off, entertained, and relaxing on the couch with a warm juice box and her second bowl of cereal for the day, it is afternoon and I have accomplished nothing work-related. I checked my email on my phone before her “I’m hot” misery began, but I haven’t even had time to answer the ones I read.

Being a mom is a job.

When I sit down at my laptop to do as much work as I can offline for the two hours my battery will last, I am so frazzled, I can’t even concentrate. I’m overwhelmed by how behind I am, and the stifling heat in the house doesn’t help at all. This was not my plan for today. Yesterday was supposed to be the day everything was off-schedule since I had to come help Derek. Today I’m supposed to have it all under control. Today is the catch-up day.

“I’m bored,” Cassidy calls. “We should play a game. Or go for a walk. Or go to the pool. We could go to the park! We could grill on the grill. Daddy has charcoal in the garage, we don’t even need the ‘lectric for that.”

I cradle my head in my hands, taking a breath and closing my eyes. I’m so overwhelmed, my hands are shaking. This never, ever happened before I let Derek back into my life. I had everything under control, always. Henry may not have bought me fucking popcorn, but he respected that I didn’t have much time to give him.

Powering off my laptop, I grab my cell phone and head for the door. “I’ll be back, I’ve gotta call my office real quick.”

“Then the park?” Cassidy asks.

I pretend I don’t hear her and slip out the front door, racing away from the house. I sit down in the driveway and hide behind my car. I’m actually thankful that Derek can’t move, so he can’t come out after me. I just need to get out of the house for a minute. I just need to talk to someone, anyone who understands, who can tell me I’m not crazy for feeling so overwhelmed by all this.

I open my phone and scroll down to Louise’s number, but I can’t make myself push the button. She is the closest thing I have to a friend now that Henry has nothing to do with me, but Louise isn’t like me. She’ll probably take Derek’s side. She’ll probably tell me to relax and go to the damn park, and that’s not going to solve my problems. I need to go somewhere with wifi and spend the whole day working now that I’m so far behind, but this is exactly why I came here—to help Derek and Cassidy.

Maybe I should tell Derek to call Mike back over. He can help out and I can go home. Of course, now I’ve lost so much time, even that wouldn’t really help. That means I lose 3 more hours to driving.

I don’t have time to be a mom. I don’t have time to have a relationship, even if I want one. I’ve made myself impossible to have a relationship with.

Tears spring to my eyes. I tell myself it’s because I’m so hot and overwhelmed, but I don’t know if it is. I scroll up and click Henry’s name, putting the phone to my ear before I have time to change my mind.

My heart races with each ring, but my call goes to voicemail. Of course it does. He’s at work. I end the call without leaving a message and scroll through my contacts. I don’t normally have meltdowns, so my lack of friends doesn’t ordinarily matter, but right now it sure would be nice to have one.

Damn Derek for dragging me back into the land of the living. I had a great thing going. I was content. I didn’t need this. He never should have come to the wedding. Things with Henry would still be fine, I would be doing my own thing, and Derek would be tucked away in the past where he belongs.

The only other person I can think to call is Bethany. I don’t know if she’s busy, but I decide to try her. She’s an eccentric woman so I have no idea what her advice will be, but she’s happy. Far happier than I’ve ever been, so she must have shit figured out.

“Hey, babe,” she answers immediately.

“Hey, Bethany. Do you have a minute? I have a situation, and I need someone to talk to about it.”

“Another hot bartender?” she teases.

I groan, closing my eyes on that embarrassing memory. “No, not another hot bartender. Well, kind of. You know how I disappeared from your wedding? Well, there’s some stuff I left out of my explanation since I didn’t want Alex to know, but now… I just need to talk to someone about it.”

“I’m all ears. I won’t tell Alex if you don’t want me to. He’s such a dad sometimes,” she says, and I can practically hear her rolling her eyes.

Smiling faintly, I tell her, “Well, he would definitely be a dad about this. Someone from my past resurfaced at your wedding, and he’s sort of… he’s someone I never completely got over, and I sort of cheated on Henry with him. We’re not together anymore, by the way.”

“Good,” she says. “He wasn’t enough for you. I didn’t think you’d kick him to the curb since you love your safety so hard, but I’m glad you did.”

“Well, I didn’t, Derek sort of did. That’s the other guy. He’s persistent when he wants to be.”

“That can be sexy. A little surprised you let him get away with it, though. You’re kind of a ball-buster.”

“Yeah, well, he met me when I was nicer. He was grandfathered in.”

“Gotcha.”

“Plus, that’s just kind of how he is. Like, he’s not some type A asshole or anything, he commands with charisma or something inherent. I don’t know, but he can dominate me when he puts his mind to it, and I can’t help finding it hot.”

“That’s so hot,” she agrees.

“But he’s crazy,” I inform her.

“I hesitate to take your word on that,” she tells me. “You’re extremely conservative. He’s probably normal.”