After You (Because of You 2)

“Bah humbug,” I reply.

“How old is his daughter? We should get her and Bailey together for a play date.”

“Nope. He’s staying in fuck buddy land. This weekend is an exception because he got hurt.”

“Uh huh. Don’t push him away too long, honey. Men tend to have a finite amount of energy they can sink into chasing someone who refuses to be caught.”

“Hey, if I can outrun him, then we weren’t meant to be.”

“That’s something lonely women tell themselves to feel better after they self-sabotage,” she informs me. “Be brave. Let him catch you. If he deserves it this time, let him in, let yourself have a little happiness. Love fearlessly. You don’t have a damn thing to be afraid of. This man cannot break you. You’re a strong woman, Nicole Harmon. You can survive heartache if it happens again, I promise. You just have to open yourself back up to new experiences and new love. That’s where you went wrong last time. You thought you were protecting yourself from being hurt again, but I think you were really punishing yourself for letting love in to begin with. Closing yourself off keeps the pain in. It only keeps happiness out.”

I swallow, unable to argue that second half, at least. I did want to punish myself for being dumb enough to fall in love with Derek.

It strikes me for maybe the first time that Bethany is absolutely nothing like my mom. She’s her opposite in every way, and Alex loved them both.

It also occurs to me that while Bethany is talking a big game right now, she can also back all of it up. She married Alex, for fuck’s sake. She is clearly a woman who doesn’t fear for the safety and well-being of her heart. If he ever screws things up with her, I’ll probably go to her next wedding to some foreign prince she sweeps right off his royal feet.

I need to make a few revisions to Dreamcatcher later. I want to make sure people understand how awesome Bethany is. I need to dedicate the book to her, too. Her and her courageous ability to love with an open heart. In that regard, she is so much braver than I could ever be.

“I want to be you when I grow up,” I tell her.

Her melodic laughter rings out across the line. “Hey, it’s not too late. I’m only a few years older than you. Maybe before you hit 30, you’ll have mastered fearless love. You’re a smart cookie; treat it like a college course you want to ace.”

“I’m so happy Alex found you. I probably won’t listen to your advice, but you inspire me, anyway. He must be so much happier just having you in his life.”

“That’s exactly why you should listen to my advice,” she informs me. “Love can make us happier. Loving someone isn’t a weakness, honey. Just remember that. Giving your love to someone isn’t wrong. If it goes bad, it goes bad. Then y

ou move on and brighten someone else’s life. It sounds like you have a good one right now though, so I say go for it.”

Chapter Twenty Four

The first thing I do after getting off the phone with Bethany is call Louise. Not for advice this time, but to ask her if she could sacrifice her day off and take over the publishing stuff I haven’t been able to do with the power outage today.

The second thing I do while sitting in the middle of Derek’s driveway is email the authors I’m working with right now to let them know I’ve had a personal emergency and my availability will be extremely limited for a few days, that unless they have their own emergency, they should contact Louise instead of me for the rest of the week.

When I finally head back inside the house, I feel a little lighter. I go straight to the kitchen, email Louise what I can from my phone, and open up my laptop. I’m not working on everyone else’s stuff right now, I’m finally focusing on my own. I punch up some snippets of Dreamcatcher to better clarify Bethany’s viewpoint. I love her perspective. Yes, she’s human enough to have doubts and moments of weakness like everyone else. Yes, she got cold feet at her wedding and ran off (in the book), but when her groom chased her anyway, she let him catch her. She faced down her fear and let herself be happy. The character is so unlike me. I was able to tap into her viewpoint while writing her, but once the story was told, I was myself again, without her in my head.

It’s almost a shame. I could probably stand to have a little more Bethany inside my head.

I’m not converted, but I am inspired, so I decide to try it out. I sink a couple hours into editing and revising Dreamcatcher, but when my laptop warns me that I only have 10% of my battery left and I need to plug it in, I close the damn thing, and I’m not worried about opening it again tonight.

It’s one night. I can’t do anything anyway, so why stress myself out about it and ruin everyone’s day?

Derek needs more pain pills by now anyway, so I grab a warm bottle of water and his medicine. Cassidy is sitting on the couch, her little face flushed from the heat as she walks her Barbie dolls along the arm of the couch, then dramatically launches them off onto the floor.

“Here you go,” I tell Derek, kneeling in front of the couch and holding out my hand.

“Thank you,” he murmurs, sitting up and taking the pills from my palm.

“How are you feeling?” I ask, as he uncaps his water. “Still hurting?”

“Yeah. I’ll survive,” he assures me, the corners of his mouth tugging up ever so slightly.

Leaning in to whisper in his ear so Cassidy can’t hear me, I ask, “Do you think you’d be up for a car ride? Since I can’t really cook dinner and our groceries will probably have to be tossed when the power comes back, it would be easier to go out. Plus, air conditioning.”

“Do you have time?” he asks, surprised.

“I’ll make time. I’m here for you guys right now, not work. I’m struggling to remember that, it’s certainly not my norm, but… I’m trying.”