"I know," he replied, giving me that smile with those twinkling blue eyes of his. "But if I tell them you did, they'll all believe me."
And the worst part is, it's completely true. He could tell everyone, "Hey, we had sex in the break room," and I could deny it until my face turned blue, but they would still believe him over me. And it would be entirely my fault that he cheated on his girlfriend, because for some reason, Mike can do no wrong in anybody's eyes. He's invincible.
Honestly, it's kind of annoying...
I could sympathize with her plight; Derek seemed to be gifted with the same charismatic invincibility his father had. If Derek hated me, everyone else would follow suit.
In the beginning of my junior year, however, I met a different kind of boy named Andy. He was a little taller than me with light brown hair and warm brown eye
s, but more importantly, he was an incredibly nice boy. Whether he didn't realize that I was supposed to be avoided like the plague, or he just didn't care, Andy sat next to me in several classes, and when we had to partner up in chemistry –partner projects being something I had always dreaded, since I always had to search for a partner longer than everyone else—he never even asked anyone else, just came over to me and asked me to be his partner.
As the year passed, I did begin to notice that Andy liked me as more than a friend. When he finally got up the nerve to ask me out, I replied, "Are you sure?"
I wasn't at all attracted to Andy. I was never romantically interested in him at all, even to the tiniest degree, and at first I couldn't imagine kissing him, because he was just so good and pure; I felt like I would soil him. Andy went to church every Wednesday and Sunday, he donated 10 percent of his paychecks to charity, he was close to his mother and father (they were still happily married), and he would actually do things like escort elderly ladies to the bank or the grocery store; one time I actually saw him help an old woman cross the street.
He was perfect, but I felt nothing for him; I simply enjoyed having someone who didn't hate me, and it helped knowing that that person was safe.
That was the main reason I liked dating Andy.
My mother had taught me that passion was pain. I knew she couldn't see it, because she was blinded by her love for Mike, but as I read her journals over the years, I found it easy to spot her mistakes, and I promised myself I would never repeat them. Yes, my mother and Mike had passion, desire, those dark, appealing emotions everybody thinks they want, but I knew those feelings were like poison, seeping into every part of your life, slowly killing you as they did my mother.
I knew I would never allow myself to want someone so much that it seeped into my very soul, that he became my obsession.
So I dated Andy, and although I was surprised, I was kind of happy that he never even tried to kiss me through our whole junior year. He would touch me on the arm or affectionately around the waist, but whenever he would give me an affectionate squeeze, I would always recoil, remembering very clearly that my mother had said that was one of her favorite things Mike did to show his affection for her.
Any hint of affection was unwelcome, although Andy didn't seem to realize this. But at least I knew he would never hurt me—he didn't have the ability to. He was convenient, and if he woke up one day and decided he didn't want to be with me, I would only be sad because I would no longer have a partner in chemistry or someone to sit with at lunch. Since I had lived my life as a loner, I knew I’d be fine.
My only other friend was a pretty blonde girl named Stephanie Miller, who was friends with most of Derek's friends, so she would have been one of the last people whose friendship I might have hoped to gain.
Circumstances threw us together when near the end of my junior year, Alex lost his job and while he looked for a new one, he asked me to find one too until he got settled into a new one. I applied everywhere in town except for Burger King, because I knew Mike had made it to assistant manager there, and I certainly couldn't work under him.
Wendy's ended up calling me back, and coincidentally, Stephanie worked there. We started talking at work and occasionally hanging out afterwards, then she even started talking to me in school. Before long she became my best friend, and she considered me a good friend, although her best friend spot was reserved for some other girl named Kayla, also in Derek's little crowd (although if you asked him, he would completely deny having a "crowd" at all).
That ended up being pretty much the best summer of my adolescent life. I had friends and I liked working because I liked bringing in money, and Alex ended up getting another job, so we had two incomes between us.
Over the summer I tried to pick up more hours at Wendy's. Alex told me he would give me $100 toward getting myself a car, and I could save the rest. Personally, I had no use for a car since Andy took me everywhere, and if he couldn't I used Alex's car or walked. But I was reluctant to pass up money, so I asked if I could save the money for my post high school plans instead, whatever those turned out to be. Alex agreed, so I opened up a savings account.
When the end of August rolled around, I wasn't excited to return to school. Going back to school for me just meant less money and more misery. At least I would be a senior, so I would never have to go back again.
Shortly after school started, I ended up making the stupidest decision of my life.
One day on the way to class Stephanie told me that her parents were going out of town, and she wanted to have a party since that's what you were supposed to do when your parents left you the house to yourself, but she didn't want the house to be trashed.
"Aw, don't worry," I assured her. "We'll only invite a few of Hell's Angels, and we'll cut back to two kegs, so you know we'll be good to go."
"Will you come?" Steph asked.
"Of course I will, as long as you're not afraid I might scare off your other guests."
She smiled. "If you would scare them off, I don't want them there anyway." But then she seemed to think of something, and she frowned a little. "Oh."
"What?" I asked, glancing over at her.
"Well... you know I would invite Kayla, of course..." she began.
"Of course," I acknowledged, not quite seeing the problem.
"Well, Kayla sort of just started seeing Derek, and I know she would expect me to invite him..."