Because of You (Because of You 1)

What really confused me was the fact that he had been so nice to me Monday. I had been absolutely certain that he wasn't as bad as I thought he was.

After the previous night, I decided he wasn't as bad as I thought he was—he was worse.

But it still confused me, and I hated to be confused. I had some kind of innate need to understand things, so Derek's little Jekyll and Hyde routine really threw me.

I felt downright used, manipulated, and I wanted nothing more than to take his pretty little head right off his stupid shoulders.

As I walked into the school, I told myself to get a grip. Yes, the previous night had been terrible and Derek had been a complete dickhead, but I really shouldn't have expected more from him. He was his father's son, after all, and I knew better than anyone the way my mother been treated by his douchebag of a father. Honestly, expecting more from the son had probably been foolish.

Still, when I noticed Derek sitting on my desk, I felt my blood pressure skyrocket.

I told myself to calm down, that he wasn't worth it, that it wasn't a big deal. It was just sex, and sex didn't mean anything, so there was no need to let him rile me.

But I hadn't been prepared for the final insult, so I was somehow still surprised when he leaned down beside me and dropped a single dollar bill on top of my books.

"Your tip," he whispered.

I gritted my teeth, my jaw locked so tight that it actually hurt, and I picked the dollar bill up, tearing it in half and then ripping it into tiny pieces and throwing them at him. I wanted so badly to say something that would really wound him, but I was so

furious that I couldn't even think straight.

He clicked his tongue at me and said, "So ungrateful. But I guess the experience was tip enough for you, huh?" he said, smiling that smug little smile of his.

I didn't even realize what I was about to say, but it came spilling out of my mouth with more venom than I knew I was capable of: "I wish you would have been in the car with her."

Instantly, his smile fell off his face, and I knew that I had drawn blood.

I looked away then, stubbornly ignoring him and opening up my book to the appropriate page. He stood there long enough that I thought he was going to say something, but the teacher told everyone to take their seats, so he slowly made his way back to his own desk.

I was glad that I had hurt him, and I knew I should feel better about it, but for some reason, I felt guilty tears burning behind my eyes.

Even though he was cruel, even though I hated him, I was already starting to wish I hadn't said that to him. I had basically just wished him dead, and I had never said something so awful to anyone before. I had never even thought something quite so terrible before. And I didn't even mean it. As much as I hated him, as cruel as he was, I wouldn't truly wish he was dead, I had just been so angry, and then he had made it worse by adding insult to injury...

When the incredibly long class was finally over, I tried to make eye contact with Derek, but he walked right past my desk, his jaw set.

He had some nerve being mad at me, I told myself. But still, I felt something like guilt settle in my stomach, and as I went to class after class, it only got worse. It was gnawing away at me, and while initially I used my anger to try to excuse it, by lunch I felt so sick to my stomach that I decided to apologize.

When I walked into the lunch room, however, the first thing I saw was Derek with his arm around Kayla, leaning in and whispering something in her ear as she giggled.

The guilty feeling seemed to dissipate, and I found myself simply standing there, staring.

Derek looked up as if he sensed my presence, and that time he did make eye contact with me. He kept watching me as he leaned in even closer and started to kiss Kayla's ear.

What an asshole, I thought, feeling unreasonably angry. No doubt he would cuddle with her, I thought scathingly.

I decided that I hated her, too, and I was glad I had fucked her boyfriend the night before. In fact, I kind of felt like marching up to her table and telling her, watching that stupid little smile fall right off her face in front of all her friends.

Instead, I turned around and walked out of the lunch room, knowing I would lose my appetite in there, so instead I headed for the vending machines.

Chapter Five-

That whole day was spent alternating between extreme anger and even more extreme anger. I felt so angry that I didn't even know what to do with myself—not a feeling I was used to.

I wished I had never met Derek Noble.

I might not truly wish him dead, but I certainly wished I would’ve never laid eyes on him. I wished Alex wouldn't have moved back to town. He could have easily found another girlfriend in... well, I didn't even know where he had lived, because my mom had never cared to mention that fact, but I knew it was a couple hours away. No one would have known my story, I could have had a somewhat normal life, and most importantly, I never would have met Derek Noble.

The next day, however, my temper had cooled enough for me to realize that I didn't have to just sit back and watch his attempts to taunt me by rubbing Kayla in my face. Two could play that game.