I sighed, putting my books on the desktop. "No, not yet."
"Why not?" he asked.
"Did you break up with Kayla yet?" I returned.
"Yeah," he replied easily.
"Oh." I frowned, not expecting to hear that. "Well, I just haven't yet. I don't want to hurt him and humiliate him, Derek. I'm not doing it in school."
He rolled his eyes, but before he returned to his desk, he said, "Don't kiss him."
I frowned at Derek's back, confused at his sudden concern over who I was and was not kissing.
When lunch rolled around, of course Andy expected me to sit with him, so I did.
Derek came over and paid me a visit, which I thought was suspicious. So did Andy when Derek placed a hand on my shoulder as he said hello. I shot him a warning glance, but he just smirked at me, eyes twinkling, and walked away.
"What was that?" Andy asked, frowning.
I shrugged, acting like I didn't know either. "Just being Derek, I guess."
Andy looked at me funny, but he didn't want to find out anything was up, so he let it go.
Since I had told Andy I needed to talk to him after school, I waited for him to meet up with me on the stone bench outside the school.
I saw Derek's car pull up, impatiently waiting for me to break it off with Andy so he could give me a ride home. I scowled at his car and shooed him away, but he merely revved his engine, drove around in a circle and parked in a spot where he could still see me, sitting there like my watchdog.
He was acting so strange, I thought, but shrugged it off.
Finally, Andy made it outside. When he saw me, he smiled, making me feel absolutely wretched.
"Hi," he greeted, coming over to give me a kiss.
I sort of turned my head, and he caught my cheek. He frowned a little, but just asked me if I wanted a ride home.
"Um... no," I replied, not bothering to tell him Derek was already waiting to give me a ride home.
He sat down next to me, putting his books in his lap. "Okay."
I didn't want to start the conversation, I wanted to stall, talk about the weather or something stupid, but I h
ad to hurry up and get it over with before Derek drove off and left me there.
"Okay, Andy, I wanted to talk to you about something."
He nodded. "So you said." Then he paused, and said, "About what?"
I sighed, not meaning to, but blurting, "I don't deserve you."
"Yes you do," he returned automatically.
"No, I really don't," I said, shaking my head. "You deserve someone so much better than me. There is... so much you don't know about me, things you wouldn't like, things that I keep from you because I know you wouldn't like them."
"Nicole, I don't care—"
"No, let me finish. This is so hard for me to say, so please let me get it out. I'm... terrified of love. I want nothing to do with it. I saw how love destroyed my mother, and because of her I've tried to make safe choices, and I have... but I screwed up. I made a mistake, and as mistakes sometimes do, my mistake seems to have taken on a life of its own..."
"Everybody makes mistakes," he said, not quite looking at me. "Whatever you've done... we can work through it."