He thought for a few seconds, then responded solemnly, "World peace."
I rolled my eyes at him. "Okay, Miss America, what else?"
Derek chuckled. "I don't know, hon. I'm not really a big gift person. I don't have Varsity Blues, buy me that."
"That's not good enough," I complained. "I don't know what to get you."
"I will like whatever you get me, Nikki." Then, inspired, he said, "I know what you should get."
I looked up, waiting for the next stupid suggestion. "What?"
"Buy yourself some lingerie. I promise I'll enjoy that," he said with a smirk.
I swatted him on the arm, smiling and rolling my eyes. "I'm not buying myself lingerie as your Christmas present."
He raised his eyebrows, shrugging. "Suit yourself. You asked me what I wanted and I told you. It's not my fault if you don't listen."
"You cannot seriously want that," I stated.
"Actually, now that I think about it, that is what I want. You know what else? A pair of handcuffs. We could have some fun with those."
Honestly, just thinking about that was making me wish I really could buy him stuff like that without feeling ridiculous.
"Go to the porn store," he suggested. "You will find the perfect Christmas present there."
I shook my head. "No, if I buy you handcuffs you're definitely going to have to end up using those on me, too."
"Which is exactly the point."
Imagining some of the more interesting uses we could find for them made me consider it again, but I rejected the idea because it would completely cross the line of propriety.
"Did you get me something like that?" I asked.
"I'm not telling you what I bought you," he stated. "You can't base what you buy me on what I bought you. The perfect gift for you isn't the perfect gift for me. We're different people."
"Well, can you at least give me a price range so I don't feel like an idiot one way or another?"
"Between one dollar and one million," he responded.
I rolled my eyes. "A narrow price range?"
"No. It's the thought that counts, not the price tag."
Since he was absolutely no help, I still had no idea what to get him. I would have loved to get him the handcuffs, but just imagining purchasing them embarrassed me, so I knew I couldn't.
I went to the store with Alex later that day though, so I decided to start my Christmas shopping. I decided instead of doing one big thing for Derek, I would just make him a goodie bag of sorts. I bought him a stocking, then when Christmas got closer I would buy some of his favorite candy to put in it. I bought him several gifts I thought he would actually like, and a green and white striped pair of toe socks with penguins on them. Then I went home and made various homemade coupons, with things like, "This coupon is good for one back massage." I made him a couple dirty coupons, a couple nice coupons, one "complete control of the radio" coupon, and even one coupon where I promised to cook for him, any dish of his choice, providing I knew how to make it.
I wasn't sure if it was enough, but I decided I might buy him something else if I figured out what to get him.
The very next day he was complaining–unintentionally, I was sure—that he needed a new pair of work boots. I looked at the ones he had, looked at the brand, the size, and made a mental note to find them. That way I didn't feel like I was being cheap, and I knew I was getting him at least something that he wanted.
Winter break finally came, and Derek and I decided instead of waiting until break was almost over, we would do an early gift exchange so we had more time to enjoy our presents.
He came to my house to do the gift exchange, and I figured he must have left my present in the car because he didn't bring in any packages.
"Can I go first?" I asked, putting the tray of cookies down on the table.
Derek grabbed a cookie, nodding at me. "Yep."