Why was he working two jobs? I suddenly felt so guilty that he had bought me a car, it wasn't even funny. "Derek, you should not have bought me the car. Why don't we sell it? You shouldn't be working two jobs, if you couldn't afford it—"
"It's not that, Nikki," he said, cutting me off. "You're keeping the car. It has nothing to do with the car."
"Then what's the problem?" I asked.
He paused for a few seconds. "Can you come over?"
"To your house?" I asked dumbly.
"Yeah," he said.
"Is your dad home?"
“No.”
"I guess I can come over," I said carefully. "Is something wrong?"
"Can you just come over?" he asked.
Since he avoided answering me, I was immediately uneasy, but I agreed and hung up anyway.
On the ride there, I attempted to fill my head with happy thoughts of Christmas and books, telling Derek that I was going to apply at the bookstore. Then I started thinking about how much money I would have to save up in order to start college, wondering if there was a chance I might get money from anyone in Alex's family. His mother usually sent me some birthday money, so if she would send birthday money, Christmas money, and graduation money, that would be pretty great.
But my mind kept trying to wander back to Derek, his quiet tone, the fact that he had been avoiding me. It all felt vaguely familiar, even though I had certainly never experienced anything like that with Andy as my boyfriend, and I didn’t have any other exes.
Thinking about what it could mean made my stomach hurt, so I would stop and try to think of something else.
When I got to his house, I realized I was very nervous, and I still had that gnawing feeling in my stomach, but I did my best to paste a smile on as I waited for him to come to the door.
When he opened it, I tried to look as cheerful as I greeted him, "Hey."
"Hi," he said.
My stomach started hurting even more at the telling look in those blue eyes of his. There was no playful glint, and I knew just looking at him that I could deny it until I was blue in the face, but something was definitely wrong.
Something big.
I said a quick, silent prayer as I stepped over the threshold, praying it would be something that could be easily solved, like the destroying of the tapes talk.
I didn't say anything at first, letting him lead me down the hall to his room.
It couldn't possibly be anything like I was thinking, I told myself. It couldn't be.
Derek sat down on his bed and looked at me, but his eyes were sad.
I couldn't take it anymore. When he gestured for me to sit down I shook my head, refusing to sit, and said, "What is it? What's going on?"
"Could you... sit down for a second, Nikki?"
"No," I said, shaking my head. "I feel like I should probably be close to the door to hear whatever it is that you're about to say to me."
He sighed, looking so miserable that I almost felt sorry for him.
Almost. But not quite.
I crossed my arms across my chest, ignoring the hammering inside it, and waited.
There was only silence that seemed to stretch on forever, as Derek