Because of You (Because of You 1)

I finished getting what I needed, then I left before I bumped into Mike again.

I felt vaguely sullen that night, so I journaled.

The next day I caught up with Andy before school and he was happy to tag along beside me. I listened to him talking and tried to figure out how to make my opening, when he suddenly asked if I wanted to go to church with him Sunday, giving me the perfect opening.

"Andy, we broke up. You shouldn't still try to be so nice to me. I wasn't nice to you," I said honestly.

He blushed a little, looking down. "I know," he admitted. "But... you were with Derek then, that's why you were acting that way. I thought since things didn't work out, maybe you realized you made a mistake, maybe we could work things out. Be us again."

I shook my head, stifling a sigh. "It doesn't work that way, Andy. I'm sorry, but... I don't want to jump into another relationship anyway. I'm not ready, and...you need to forget about me anyway," I told him honestly.

"But I don't want to forget you," he said quietly.

"Then remember me, but remember me as a friend. We can't be more than friends, Andy."

He nodded, and didn't say anything else about it. Offering a forced smile, he said he had to get to class.

Why did he make me break up with him so many times? I felt as mean as I had the first time.

By the time I got to class and saw Derek, I didn't feel like being cheerful. I was sick of the world and everyone in it, especially the males. No, actually I was sick of the pathetic females, too.

The day dragged on forever.

Lunch finally came and I planned to sit with Stephanie, but when I started toward her table I saw that Kayla was already sitting there. My gaze instantly scanned the cafeteria to find Derek, but he was sitting at his own table with his own friends.

At least they weren't being cute. I might've lost my appetite if I had to watch them being cute together.

Despite my attempts not to think about when Derek and I were together, I found myself longing for the days when I would've sat with Derek, no questions asked.

But those days were gone, so there was no point thinking about it. Kayla was pregnant and apparently Derek went right back to her side, despite claiming not to care about her, despite claiming to care about me. I did notice that Derek didn't look happy, even sitting there with his friends. His smiles were only half smiles, and he didn't appear to be greatly involved in the conversation. That triggered a moment of weakness, but I fought the urge to run over to him, wrap my arms around him, and cheer him up.

That was no longer my job. It was Kayla's.

Moment of weakness averted, I glanced back at Steph's table and immediately saw Kayla looking at me, a small smile on her pretty face. I had a feeling that she had watched me while I was looking at Derek, and that really annoyed me. I didn't want her thinking she had anything I wanted.

I stood there for a minute, holding my tray, trying to figure out where I wanted to sit. Steph's table was taken, I couldn't sit with Andy without giving him mixed signals, and as I looked around, I realized all the other tables seemed to filling up fast, too.

I sighed, heading over to sit at the table next to Stephanie's where I saw an available seat.

Chapter Twelve-

Even though I barely got to school on time the following Monday, as soon as I got to class Derek got up and started to walk over to me, but was interrupted by the bell.

At lunch, I saw Kayla was at Steph's table again, so I sighed, wishing I could just eat in the bathroom.

I was surprised when I felt someone catch me by the elbow and I turned to see Derek. I blinked in surprise, and since I hadn't been expecting to see him, I forgot to breeze right past him as if he didn't exist.

"Why are you touching me?" I asked, pulling my elbow out of his grasp.

"You look lost," he remarked.

I pulled myself up, rebelliously squaring my shoulders. "Well, I'm not. If you'll excuse me..."

"Is this how it's going to be from now on?" he asked me, having the nerve to look irritated at the prospect. "You won't even talk to me?"

"What do you expect, Derek?" I shot back, my eyes narrowing. "Would you like me to buy you a cigar and balloon and tell you congratulations?"

"I'm not happy about this either, Nikki."