When I would ask that, though, I would remind myself that I could still pat Derek on the back, because he was owning up to his mistakes, but not making me pay for it. Mike had just taken the lazy road of sacrifice, whereas Derek was pretty much killing himself to hold onto me—and pay his penance.
Thinking of it that way made my heart swell, and once I even wrapped my arms around him and just hugged him for no apparent reason, completely confusing him.
Derek was doing it the right way. He was taking complete responsibility for his actions, but he wasn't letting me go just because it would be easier.
I had to admit, I was kind of proud of him.
Even though I hated seeing him work 40 to 45 hours a week and go to school, I had to respect him for being willing to go to any lengths to right his wrongs without giving me up.
It made me happy that he wanted to hold onto me that much.
It made me feel a little lazy though.
Although I'm not sure that it was a conscious decision, seeing how Derek was handling everything and being true to his word not to hurt me again, he started to earn back my trust. When I acknowledged that we were truly, completely back together, I decided it was time that I step up to the plate a little. I did some more research on the community college we were all planning to attend, and I figured out the tuition for a full-time student—or two full-time students.
Once I had all that figured out, I told the manager at Wendy's that I'd like an extra day or two a week, and he agreed, giving me two and pushing me up to five days a week.
When February rolled around, I decided it was time to roll up my sleeves and start sharing in the baby talk. After all, if I was going to be a part of it, I had to start slowly pushing myself into the baby part of the picture.
"So, when are we getting an ultrasound picture?" I asked him one day on the way home from school. "I was thinking you cou
ld scan a copy for me."
He shrugged, turning the wheel. "I don't know."
"Well, do you have any ultrasound pictures yet? Like the first one where you can't actually see anything but a little bean?" I asked, raising one eyebrow.
"No," he replied. "I don't think she has one yet."
This caused me to frown. "What? She should have gone in for the first one by now..."
"She doesn't have insurance," he reminded me.
"Yeah, I understand that, but she will have to go to the doctor eventually, won't she?"
"Eventually, yeah, but she hasn't yet."
"Well... shouldn't you bring this up? Maybe ask her about it or something?"
"I don't know, Nikki. I don't know anything about pregnancy, just that it lasts nine months."
"How far along is she?" I asked, realizing I had never even been told the due date.
He gave me a blank look and shrugged. "I don't really know anything about it yet."
That much was obvious.
I was going to tell him it wasn't me I wanted answers for, but as the father, he should know these things. Instead, I let the topic drop for the moment.
That conversation made me realize that for all the effort Derek was exerting, Kayla wasn't keeping Derek updated at all. All he knew was that she was pregnant. He had no idea when the due date was, no ultrasound pictures, and he didn't even know how far along she was.
That was when I decided to step in. Kayla was taking advantage of Derek and he was letting her, but as far as I could see, she hadn't even produced any evidence that she was actually pregnant or that the baby was really his.
She should at least know how far along she was, so why didn't Derek?
Even though I knew it probably wasn't my best idea, I decided to try to have an actual conversation with her. In the hall one day I caught her coming out of a class, and I started walking beside her.
"Hi," I greeted.