After a minute, Amanda pulled back. He felt a little relieved, releasing her and letting his hand drop back to his side of the bed. He offered her a tiny, pointless smile, and she frowned as she sat back in her own spot.
"What's wrong with you?" Amanda asked, crossing her arms over her chest.
"What do you mean?"
"You're never in the mood anymore." Averting her gaze, she said, "I've finally lost most of my baby weight and you haven't even noticed. I thought you'd be...interested again."
"I was never not interested, honey. Not because of—how could you think that?"
"What else could I think?" she demanded, her voice dipping a little. "You certainly haven’t… I feel like you aren't attracted to me anymore."
"Of course I am," he said, pulling her into his arms.
"Doesn't seem like it," she muttered sadly. "Why won't you tell me what's going on with you, Ethan?"
He knew that it was the opening to tell
her any version of the truth, to get it out in the open and try to explain it to her. As terrible a thought as it was, he even figured if she was feeling a little insecure, she might be more inclined to forgive him...if he only told part of the truth.
He was sure she wouldn't forgive him if she knew all of it.
Pretty sure, anyway.
It seemed pointless to only tell half the truth though. It would only hurt her, and especially if he had made her feel like that, he didn’t want to make it worse by telling her he had nearly slept with another woman.
He was just being a shitty everything lately. Obviously a shitty husband, but he had hoped she wouldn’t notice. Of course she noticed.
“Listen to me,” he said, in lieu of the truth. “I’m sorry that I made you feel that way. But you need to know, no part of how I’ve been lately has anything to do with you.”
“Then what is it?” she asked, frowning up at him. “Talk to me, Ethan.”
Since he couldn’t—wouldn’t—he shut down instead. “I don’t want an argument, Amanda. I’m tired.”
Baffled, she said, “I wasn’t arguing, I just—”
“We can talk about it tomorrow, okay?” he said, rolling over.
Of course they wouldn’t.
Heaving a sigh of irritation, she made a point to violently yank her blanket up and squirm around before finally getting comfortable.
Ethan closed his eyes and dreaded the day she would push him until he cracked.
It had to be coming.
It just had to be.
---
“Pick up milk.”
Ethan sighed and dropped his phone in the cup holder, turning his signal on and turning around as soon as he was able.
It had been a boring-ass day at work, nobody wanted to misbehave when it was convenient for him to catch them, and he had accomplished pretty much nothing.
Consequently, he left early.
It slipped his mind to tell Amanda—which never used to happen, so that was his fault.