Suddenly, startling them both, Ethan’s phone vibrated on the bedside table. Neither of them expected the interruption, so both of their gazes jerked to the screen.
A photo flashed across the screen, maybe a text message, and Ethan grabbed for the phone, but before he could tilt it away from her, she got a good view of an adorable baby in a blue and white blanket sleeper, conked out in a bed, his little mouth gaping open, his head tilted back, and an empty pillow on the side of the bed behind him.
A pained expression flashed across Ethan’s face and he looked at it briefly before closing the message and pushing himself up into a sitting position.
Willow moved off of him, and he sat on the edge of the bed, scratching the back of his neck and not looking at her. “I have to go.”
“Okay,” she said, a bit weakly.
Bending to grab his discarded clothes off the floor, he quickly pulled his underwear and pants back on, then glanced back at her. “I’m sorry.”
Forcing a smile, she shrugged her shoulders. “It’s okay.”
He opened his mouth like he wanted to say something else, but then he closed it and pulled his sweater over his head.
Willow didn’t know what to say either. The very moment she wanted to go on forever only a minute ago was suddenly lasting forever, and it felt like a punishment.
She couldn’t even seem to make herself get up off the bed. Instead, she yanked the blanket up to cover herself, frowning a little at the change in atmosphere.
Ethan slipped his phone back into his pocket. “Um…”
“Do you mind just locking up? I…I think I’m gonna take that shower, so…”
“Sure,” he said, nodding briefly. Then, almost hesitantly, he said, “The…wine bottle. Your parents might notice that wasn’t here before.”
“You can take it, or just throw it out. Or I’ll just say Caden brought it over.”
“Right.” He nodded once more, hesitating as he made his way to the door.
It looked like he wanted to say something else, and she sort of wanted him to, but nothing came.
“I’ll text you,” he finally said.
Smiling thinly, Willow nodded. “Okay.”
And then he was gone.
Shoulders slumping, instead of going in to take her shower, Willow climbed under the blankets, pulling them up around her, and hugged the pillow that still smelled like him.
From the time he pulled out of Willow's driveway, large chunks of Ethan's waking hours were devoted to trying to decide what to say next time he spoke to her.
He wanted to tell her that their situation could only end badly. That he felt like a bastard for letting it happen, for putting her in that position in the first place, but as much as it would suck for both of them, it would be easiest in the long run if they cut things off sooner, rather than later. Not only because he knew for a fact that the longer an affair went on, the higher the chances of getting caught, but because he didn't want to hurt her more than he was already going to.
He also didn't want to say that and sound like an asshole, since Willow often seemed very casual, and maybe it wouldn't hurt her as much as he thought it would. Maybe she would brush it off, replace him with any number of guys who would be happy to fill his spot, and go on about her life without concern.
Even if he selfishly disliked the idea of being so replaceable, that was what he was hoping for. Everything he had seen so far indicated that might be the case... everything except the look on her face when he got that text from Amanda.
He couldn't believe he forgot to shut his damn phone off.
When Amanda sent h
im the text about Caleb having a fever, he was glad that he hadn't, at least after the awkwardness with Willow. It wasn't like she didn't know he had a wife and kids at home, but knowing that and seeing evidence of it were two different things.
By morning, Caleb's fever had dissipated without explanation. Amanda took him to the doctor anyway just to make sure, and everything checked out.
Ethan felt like the worst person ever.
Torn between Amanda, who was patient enough to give him the space he'd been needing since he came back home, and Willow, who forgave him for hurting her and then invited him to hurt her some more.