“Don’t worry about it. I would’ve messaged you before, but… I wasn’t sure.”
He nodded, even though he knew she couldn’t see him, but he couldn’t seem to manufacture a response.
After several seconds of silence, she said, “Uh oh. Is that what this is?”
Was it? He hadn’t really had a plan when he called, but if she was giving him the perfect opening…
Yet, when he opened his mouth, the words got stuck in his throat, and what ended up falling out instead was, “No. I just wanted to see… how you were doing. I felt bad.”
“Oh. Well, good. I mean, not good that you felt bad—you don’t have to feel bad.”
“I kind of abandoned you,” he pointed out. “And… right after…”
“It’s not a big deal.”
Frowning at her flippancy, he said, “Yes, it is. You deserved better than that.”
Willow sighed, but didn’t immediately respond. Finally, she said, “Ethan, I appreciate that, I do, but…I knew what I was getting into. You didn’t invite me over and seduce me, remember? I’m the one who started it.”
“You’re… 18,” he said on a sigh.
“I’m a mature 18,” she said, her tone intentionally condescending. Then she laughed.
It made him strangely sad. “I don’t know how long I can keep this up,” he admitted.
Her laughter ebbed and the line fell silent.
“I don’t…want to be that guy,” he added. “I love my…family.”
The silence stretched on as a woman reached across him to grab a crate of raspberries, her kid pestering her about ice cream. Ethan took a step back, glanced at his half empty cart, and then realized how ridiculous it was to be having this conversation in the middle of the produce section.
Abandoning his cart, he reached into his pocket and extracted his keys, heading for the privacy of his car.
He hit the parking lot before Willow drawled, “Okay. So, what does that mean?”
“I don’t know,” he said, his frustration with the whole situation evident in his voice. “I don’t… I don’t want to give you the wrong idea.”
“I’m not fragile, Ethan. Just say what you mean.”
It made him feel like such a prick, and he did wait until he slid into his driver’s seat and shut the door before heaving a sigh and attempting a response. “I’m not…I don’t want to lead you on. I like you—I care about you, and I want you to be happy.”
“Ugh, if you’re dumping me, don’t be that guy, either, okay? Don’t dump me for me. I can handle the truth.”
“I’m not… dumping you, I just…” He sighed, leaning back against the headrest. “I’m not leaving my wife. I’m not… in a position to offer you anything more, and I don’t ever intend to be.” He paused, letting that sink in. “This isn’t a temporary situation—if I could, if I didn’t have a wife and kids, I would love to be with you. If I could split myself in two… like I have been, but now that line’s been crossed, and I don’t know how to…”
She gave him a few seconds to finish his thought, but when he didn’t, she said, “Well, okay. So, what is it you want? Do you just want to go back to how it was before?”
“I don’t know what that looks like now,” he said honestly. “I didn’t expect things to get this complicated.”
“I didn’t expect you to leave your wife, Ethan. I mean, I feel like you’re making this more complicated than it needs to be. I enjoyed the other night, I won’t lie, I wouldn’t object to possibly revisiting, but if you can’t, that’s fine. I didn’t expect to become your girlfriend or anything, I had mentally prepared myself for that, I just… I don’t know, I thought we were friends.”
“You have no more feelings for me than you have for any of your… male friends?”
“I didn’t say that,” she replied, a smile in her voice. “I just don’t want you to be worried that I’m trying to start any drama in your life. I’m not. I have no agenda here, I’m no more interested than you are in hurting your pretty wife or tearing apart your family. I mean, let’s be honest, you don’t really fit into my life, either. It’s not like I can bring you home to meet the parents. I’ll make it simple—I’m down for whatever. I would prefer that we at least stay friends like we were before, but if you can’t, I understand.”
Closing his eyes, Ethan sighed. “You’re insane, you know that.”
“I prefer eccentric,” she returned lightly. “I told you, I’m kind of a strange girl when it comes to relationships.”