He cracked a smile. "A grumpy knight in shining armor, huh?"
With a decisive nod, she said, "That's the version I'm telling Poppy Seed when I have to tell bedtime stories. But that was not in my plan either. In fact, I don't even like knights in shining armor. When I first met you I thought you were disagreeable and overbearing."
"As opposed to the ray of sunshine that I am now?" he questioned.
Shrugging, she said, "Well, no one's perfect. I could handle you being grumpy if you didn't always push me away. It makes the signals very mixed."
"I already told you why I did that."
"And it was a bad reason," she said without gravity. "I mean, I can think of simpler ways of handling this situation. As a matter of fact, I had to. When I came to you, was I perfect? Was I even close to perfect? No. I had made mistakes. I didn't try to hide them from you. When you started to think maybe I was more than a way to clear the slate, why didn't you just come clean? If you would have just told me what happened then there would have been no surprises, there would be no reason to keep yourself at a distance."
"Well, I don't know about that," he said.
"What other reason are you keeping me at a distance?" she asked, although she was half-afraid to hear the answer.
"There are… a few," he said.
"Like?" she prompted.
"For one, I told you about my jealousy issues," he began, lifting his eyebrows slightly.
Feeling a little bit more confident that her pregnancy wasn't reason number one, she nodded once and said, "And I already told you that I do not care about that. For that matter, I have a few jealousy issues myself."
"Really?"
Nodding, she said, "Whenever you were dancing with Shannon, I envision
ed pouncing on her and clawing her eyes out."
That made him crack another smile. "No reason to do that. She's no threat."
Shrugging, she said innocently, "Then I guess you don't have a reason to have jealousy issues either."
The lightness left then, and he said. "But I do. I have issues with Matt, and I wanted him out of my life. Not only is he not going to be out of my life, but hypothetically if you and I… were together, I would have to deal with his presence in my life, and I would always worry."
"But you have no reason to," she said honestly. "If I wasn’t one hundred percent sure that I wanted to be with you, given our situation, I wouldn't even try. For one thing, I wouldn't put you through that. I know that because of the history you're going to be a little more sensitive to Matt, but I would never let that be a problem. I would never chance hurting you, even through a misunderstanding. I would keep so much distance between Matt and myself that there could easily be a continent between us."
"But I think I'll still give you shit," he said, sounding not as if he wanted to, but like it wouldn't be in his control.
"Well… if I want to take your shit, that's for me to decide, isn't it?"
Shaking his head, he said, "It isn't fair to expect you to just because I have trust issues."
"Aaron, have you met me? Do I seem like a doormat to you? If you're giving me shit that I don't deserve, I'm going to have something to say about it, but I do understand if it takes some time for me to gain your trust. But I will, because I'm not going to do anything that would make you distrust me."
"He will be in your life. As long as you're around him…"
"I won't be around him," she said, sounding slightly exasperated. "That's what I'm trying to say."
Then his gaze finally moved to her stomach, to the reason she hadn't wanted him to use.
"Yes, you will," he said quietly.
Feeling suddenly very frustrated, Julie said, "Look, I'm not saying it will be the easiest thing in the world… but if we both wanted it, I do think we could make it work." She paused for a few seconds, then went on, "I mean, unless you just don't want to. That's fine if that's the case, if I just read you wrong…"
"You didn't read anything wrong," he admitted. "I do like you, I just don't know… I mean, especially knowing what you know now…"
She didn't let him go on. Shaking her head, she said very firmly, "No. That… doesn't matter. For one thing, it was long before you met me. And it was justified—even the best person in the world can be tempted toward retribution when they've been hurt that badly. Plus, although it kind of hurts to say this, Emma's right. What can I say about it? The only thing I have a problem with in this… revelation, is that Matt had to be the one to tell me. But it doesn't matter now, because I know and… I don't care. Are there any other skeletons that might jump out of the closet, or do you have a new excuse for why you need to push me away?"