The bartender finally brings them over. I slam back the first whiskey and push the empty glass back across the counter, then I give Moira and Seb their drinks, picking up mine and Ashley’s so we can head back to the table.
Seb hangs back while Moira walks ahead. “Hey, everything okay?”
“Yep, all good.”
“Just thirsty?” he asks.
“Yeah,” I mutter, “just thirsty.”
“What a long fucking night.”
I already feel tired of this conversation, and Ashley has just started talking. She sits at the vanity I bought her, taking off the pearls I gave her for our second anniversary.
I peel off my suit, feeling a decade older than I am. I’m only 31 fucking years old; I shouldn’t feel so drained. I shouldn’t feel like any joy life once had to offer is gone and I’m coasting downhill from here.
My life shouldn’t feel like it’s over.
I need to do something. I need to jumpstart my marriage again. I’m not sure you can resuscitate something that’s been dead so long, but I should try. We made promises to one another, after all. I can’t stand the idea of spending time alone together without work or friends to interrupt, but that’s wrong. This is my wife, for fuck’s sake. I loved her once, didn’t I?
“Why don’t we go away for a few days?” I suggest, stepping out of my trousers.
She glances at me in the mirror of her vanity, interest flashing in her eyes. Not because I’m undressing, but because I’m suggesting a vacation. “Yeah? Where do you want to go?”
“I don’t know. I’ll have to talk to Seb and make sure he can cover for me, but I’m sure we can get away for a few days. We’ll go somewhere and have fun, just the two of us.”
“All right,” she says, easily enough. “I would say we could go into the city, but it’s too cold. Why don’t we fly to Palm Springs instead?”
I unclasp my watch and set it down gently on the bedside table. “Palm Springs it is.”
Ashley flashes me a faint smile, then goes back to her nightly routine. I finish undressing and climb into bed. A blanket of dread feels much heavier than the comforter I pull up over myself. Sometimes it feels so awkward, lying here side by side, not touching. My mind wanders to Moira and Seb. I bet they’re cuddling already. I can picture them lying side by side, holding hands, just so they don’t have to stop touching, even in sleep.
Meanwhile, Ashley sits on the edge of the bed and puts her glasses on the end table. She wears contacts during the day, but she can’t see for shit. She turns off the lamp on her side of the bed and wiggles around in her spot until she’s comfortable. Her back is to me. I scoot closer and wrap an arm around her waist and pull her closer.
“You looked beautiful tonight,” I tell her.
“Thanks,” she says, but I get the feeling my compliment makes her uncomfortable. Funny, since she loves when random men compliment her, but coming from her husband it doesn’t seem to mean much.
I think about trying to escalate things, but it feels so exhausting. I don’t know if I can handle more rejection tonight. I can feel anger beneath the surface and I don’t feel like an angry fuck, either.
I feel sad, and no one lik
es a sad fuck.
After a couple minutes enduring the cuddle I initiated, I roll over on my back. If she missed the contact, she could easily roll over and snuggle up against my bare chest, but she doesn’t.
To be honest, I don’t want her to.
What a fucking life.
3
Sebastian
“Can you cover me for a few days?”
I glance up from my ledger, looking up at Griff as he stands in front of my desk and makes this request. He seems tense today. His request comes off as urgent, but he almost looks like he’s hoping I’ll say no.
“For what?” I ask.