I sat up swiftly.
“Don’t! Don’t you dare blame yourself. I’m glad I left. I believe more now than ever things happen for a reason. Logan needed guidance to escape his home where he’s been tormented his entire life. If I hadn’t gone to him, he would still be suffering through it.”
He drew himself up resting on his elbow. He ran a finger softly along my jaw.
“You’re so kind, Claire.” He looked down, straining to find the right words. “Just remember, he has a long way to go. I don’t want you to be disappointed if he slips into old habits. It’s not that easy for people to change their behavior.”
I breathed in long and deep. Brent’s words bothered me and I didn’t want to fight with him. I wasn’t so foolish to think that Logan didn’t have a long struggle ahead of him, but I resented the fact Brent was attempting to minimalize the progress I made with Logan. I was contemplating what to say, to make my point without it ending in an argument when Brent leaned in, and trailed his lips lightly along my jaw, like feathers.
He ran his fingers up and down my back, tracing my spine, and kissed the lobe of my ear softly. It was nearly impossible for me to think while he was touching me like that. Thinking of a word was too much, let alone stringing together a sentence, so I sighed in defeat and leaned into him. He lowered me to the bed on my back and put his palm on my belly, under my t-shirt, the heat from his hand nearly burning my skin. He rested on his elbow, looking down at me.
“I’ve learned some things about myself through all of this, Claire, and I’m not really proud of it,” Brent admitted. The edge in his voice from earlier returned. I didn’t respond but put my hand on his chest, encouraging him to continue. “When it comes to you, I feel extremely possessive and jealous. The thought of anyone hurting you makes me ang
ry in a way that scares me.”
His eyes were dark and he awaited my response watchfully.
“Brent, I’m sure it’s just normal emotions that come with first love. The feelings are strong and euphoric and the fear of losing it does things to both of us.” I tried to reassure him but he shook his head.
“It’s not only about first love, Claire. It’s very hard for me. I fight to control my anger. When you don’t listen to me, it makes it so much harder. Part of my role in your life doesn’t allow me to trust anyone you’re around who I see as a threat. I can’t feel compassion for Logan the way you can because of how he’s treated you.”
“But he’s changed,” I interrupted.
Brent smiled sincerely.
“I know he has, baby. My designed nature however, has not. But, I’m working on it, Claire,” he admitted. Remembering his earlier comment about it not being easy to change behavior, I realized he was talking about himself as much as he was Logan. “You’ve never made it easy on me. Do you remember Paul from our sophomore year?” he asked.
“Let me guess. That was really you,” I said.
Brent nodded.
Growing up, Brent had the ability to change his semblance to anyone he wanted. I wondered how many people I knew in my life had actually been him.
“Figures!” I huffed. “I really liked Paul. He was nice to me.”
Brent sighed loudly.
“Yeah well, you didn’t like him, like him” he stated, making air quotations with his hands when he said the word like. “You liked Brandon as I recall,” he reminded me, tilting his head questioning if I remembered that little crush.
I did remember. I thought Brandon was cute but he had turned out to be a complete ass. He was a year older than us and one of the popular kids in school. Then it struck me. I remembered that I told Paul, who was really Brent, all about it and my cheeks blushed apologetically.
“You told me he was cute, and I told you he was an a-hole and you should avoid him. As usual, you didn’t listen.”
I hadn’t listened and I should have.
“It wasn’t like I wanted him to be my boyfriend,” I blurted, nervously.
“Yeah, especially after Brandon covered you in slime.” Brent was amused by the memory, mocking my humiliation.
Is he really laughing at me?
We had been doing a lab in science. I made a point to sit at Brandon’s table, wanting him to notice me. He had caught me staring at him and laughed. His friend noticed and piped up, teasing Brandon about liking me. Brandon laughed hysterically, shouting that I was “butt ugly,” and knocked a beaker of snot-like concoction we had been working on, right into my lap. He laughed so hard he actually snorted. Afterward, Brandon claimed it was an accident, but I knew it was on purpose. I avoided him after that and thankfully he had left me alone. I laughed at the memory, realizing my foolishness.
Brent wasn’t laughing at me or with me. “When that happened I wanted to leap across the room and hurt him for what he did to you. The whole class was watching and given my role in your life, I couldn’t risk it.”
“But you didn’t, Brent. See, you do have control.”
“I didn’t do anything to him in class, but I did find him later,” he said mischievously.