“Who’s Ryan?” he asks, interrupting me from my thoughts of Maria.
“What?”
“Ryan.” His eyebrows shoot up. “Maria called you Ryan.”
“Oh, we just met earlier today, and I think she was confused.” Wow, I just flat out lied to a little kid. I’m so going to hell.
“O-kay.” Drew sings the word, exaggerating his disbelief.
“You don’t believe me?”
His lips twist. “Not even a little bit.”
After ice cream and dinner, which may have been in that order, Drew and I go for a swim in the building pool. He horses around on the equipment in the gym while I workout, earning me scowls from some of the other residents. While I take a shower, he plays video games in the living room. When he takes a shower, I use the quiet opportunity to respond to messages from a few clients. We spend the rest of the night in front of the television with an action flick that I’m sure I’ll take a ton of flak for allowing him to watch. He falls asleep during the movie, and as I look down at his face, I can’t help but notice the untarnished innocence, the peace. I’d give anything to feel as content as he looks.
My mind wanders to Maria, as it has many times tonight. Why can’t I stop thinking about her? Maybe it’s because she didn’t jump at my offer to buy her a drink, or the fact that she has no idea who I am. She’s not the type who typically captures my attention, but there’s something about her, and I want to pursue her. The quest would be easier if I knew more than her first name. It’s probably best this way. I’m in trouble at work, and my focus should be on pleasing the board and keeping my job.
Tori is sitting on a bar stool at the kitchen island, and I can’t look at her. On the drive over, I resolved to try to be nice to her, but now that I’m close to her, I can’t. It hurts. She gets up and hugs Drew. I glance down at her belly, which is just starting to show signs of her pregnancy, and then quickly look away. The bigger she gets, the harder it’s going to be for me to come around. That bump is a reminder of what I missed out on.
“Did you have fun?” she asks Drew.
“It was awesome. We ate junk food and watched action movies, and I never brushed my teeth.”
“Oh, nice. Tell Uncle Tug thank you, and go put your things away. Then you can brush your teeth.”
He thanks me and gives me a long hug. When he leaves the room, I know I’m going to get an earful from Tori about responsibility.
“Well, it sounds like he had a great time,” she says without a trace of anger in her voice. “Thanks for taking him. He loves hanging out with you.”
Damn her. Damn her for being nice.
“He’s a good kid. Sorry about the junk food and movie choice.”
“Don’t be.” She shrugs. “That’s what uncles are for.”
Damn her again. I don’t want her to be understanding and nice. I want her to be a bitch. I want a valid reason to keep hating her.
“Yeah … um … I’d better get going.”
“I was just about to make breakfast if you’re hungry.”
I resist the urge to twist my lip and mock her. Instead, I smile and shake my head. “No, thanks. I’ve gotta head out.”
“Okay. Well, thanks again. You’re welcome to take him anytime.”
With a nod, I open the door and walk out of the house. On my way to the border, I drive downtown and stop at the cigar shop, not because I need cigars, but because I’m hoping to see a certain brown-eyed cutie. She’s not there, and I walk the strip, looking for her. She’s nowhere to be found. I don’t know why that bothers me, but it does. There’s chemistry when we’re together. I feel it, like she’s the one who can make me forget Tori. That’s a fucked-up way to view her, but it’s the truth, and I crave the sick feeling in my stomach when I’m near her.
The work week turns into a shit show, and by Friday, I barely have my sanity. As I drive to Tijuana for Brady’s bachelor party, I’m seething mad. The board didn’t ax me, but they want to. Instead, I’ve been put on probation. I haven’t had a drink all week, which means I’ve barely slept, and tonight, I plan to get drunk. I want to be knocked into the sort of insensibility where I don’t have to think about how, in a little more than three years, my life went from perfect to a complete wreck. Truthfully, I have no one to blame but myself, but I’ll never point the finger where it belongs. Being pissed erases the blame, points the finger elsewhere, and alleviates the guilt that tries to choke me every time I look in the mirror.
I arrive at Brady’s, and Harrison meets me out front. I’m greeted with the I’m the responsible one face. He’s been annoying me lately, like at some point he reverted to the arrogant self-righteous prick he was before Liv. I think what happened with my mother changed him, but I’m not convinced new Harrison plans on sticking around permanently. As long as he’s good to Liv, I’ll ignore my feelings and refrain from punching him in the mouth.
“What?” I ask indignantly.
“I want to remind you that this is Brady’s night. No bullshit.”
“Fuck you!” I seem to be saying that a lot lately.
He reaches for me as though he’s going to grab my arm. The look I give him stops him, and he says, “I mean it. And I haven’t told him where we’re taking him yet.”